Voice Lessons

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I’ve decided to start counseling and part of that requires me to write a lot about how I’m feeling. I think a lot of why I stopped writing is because I can’t seem to keep up with my thoughts. And every time I have something go through my head it’s only worded perfectly once. And then it’s gone. The older I am the slower my words come. My thoughts won’t slow down.

In my last therapy session we decided I should write about things I like about myself. And I’m having a hard time coming up with the. I wonder if it’s just maybe whiny and needy here and if my self-esteem is low as I think it must be. It just seems that all the things I like best about myself are the things that annoy my family. But I’ll try to list them.

          1.  Socially outgoing. - I enjoy talking and I love meeting new people. I can speak to anyone and I know how to make them feel comfortable in my presence. This means I will talk to people standing in line next to me or even jump in on conversations that are obviously meant to be overheard. As I write this down, every sentence that has a positive, there’s the negative in my head saying “don’t  talk to anyone”. it’s annoying because my family feels like I am overstepping and pushing my way into someone else’s conversations.

When I watch shows like Dr. pimple Popper, a very similar personality to me, there is nothing but good things to be said. Why can’t I find a place where those skills are appreciated and not looked down upon I mean, maybe they feel that way because they don’t understand how it comes so easily to me. Or maybe I just really am that annoying.

          2. My looks.  I’m not supposed to be proud of that as my kids remind me often. I’ve managed to do keep my weight down, and I put a lot of effort into my hair and nails. I’m so glad that I can look in the mirror at like what I see. For a while there when I gained weight, I didn’t recognize myself on the outside.  I’ve lost weight in the last six months and that has helped me to at least confidence in how I look.

          3. Empathy and open-mindedness. - I try to see everything from all points of view. To the point that I’m losing myself. But when I speak to other people, my goal is to connect with them. Not to be right. I believe everyone has a different viewpoint and that there is no right and wrong. I understand that we all have opinions based on how we grew up and where we live. All of those things factor into who we are and need to be considered before reacting to someone’s bad behavior.

          4.  Forgiving.  I understand that everyone is doing the best they can. No one is trying to hurt anyone on purpose. No one has evil intent. “Every villain is a hero in his own mind.”  as long as I can see that someone truly understand that I am not being to forgive. I don’t like to hold grudges, and I don’t like to have arguments. I have become almost too quick to forgive and end up getting walked on.

          5.  Introspective.  I am always willing to listen to posting view points and challenge myself as to their validity. I don’t dig my heels in so hard that I can’t be pulled out again.

         !6. spirituality.  I feel a connectionthrough the veil. I am aware that this life isn’t the real me and that I am not a person with a spiritual soul, but a soul with a flesh and blood body. I want to access that part of myself. I feel like I understand the gospel and understand how it fits into God‘s plan. I tried to look at my life through heaven’s eyes.

         7.  Writing ability.  I am proud of my ability to interpret difficult concepts into smaller pieces and to find metaphors that make them easily understandable. I almost speak in metaphor and continually finding patterns through that ability.