My Conversion Story Journal

May 11, 2025

There is no doubt in my mind that G-d leads me exactly where he wants me. I had the experience this past Shabbat to visit another local synagogue with friends. It was a lot smaller than the one I attend. There was a sheer curtain between the women's side and the men's side, but the men were situated in a way that they were not visible to the women. I could only see the Chazzen and the Torah. There were only 3 other women there besides the two women that I had gone with, and it was almost halfway through the service before they had a minion. That was a first for me. When they counted a minion, they went back and said the Kaddush that they weren't able to say without a minion.

The Chabad was so small, that we ate kiddush at the same table that we prayed at. Sitting at a table during services was also a new thing. There were paintings on the walls which are not on the walls in my Chabad. Physically, the paintings, the kitchen tables where the women sat for services and the fact that everything was on one floor were the only real differences.

I really liked that the men carried the Torah scroll onto the women's side. I have never been so close without a barrier between me at it before. I still only touched it with my Siddur, but it was still something I wish my synagogue did.

I liked that I could see the men reading the Torah during the service. Being able to see it, not only when it is lifted up, was an amazing experience. I'm glad I was able to experience that.

I came into this conversion thinking I was doing it alone. I didn't know anyone, and everyone was leery of me as a newcomer. Just as I was leery of them. I can't imagine having started in a synagogue this size. I do not like to be the center of attention. Because the synagogue was so small, and because I was the new person there, I was the center of conversation with the women. It wasn't so bad because there weren't very many, but I can't imagine how I would have felt if that was the first synagogue that I had attended. I'm now glad that I was able to have time to process and get used to the surroundings at the synagogue I currently attend before I was questioned to death by all the women there. I remember being overwhelmed by the large amount of people when I first started attending my synagogue, but it gave me time to adjust before people started noticing that I was attending regularly. I wouldn't have had that at the small one I attended this past weekend.

I met the Rabbi and he was very kind. I was told by multiple people that he was kind. They were right.

Overall, I'm glad I went. I wouldn't mind visiting another synagogue every once in a while, I admit, I'm happy to return to my synagogue for services next week.