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The Holy Roll

Pay attention now, because this may be the most important article I share all year. Possibly even in the entire blog.

    We Found Out What Actually Makes New York Bagels So Superior  
And it's not the tap water...

It sometimes surprises people who aren't familiar with the area to learn that NYC tap water is damn good. I mean, how could it be? It's the largest city in the US and one of the oldest, with infrastructure dating back to the 18th century. The city is famously grimy, and don't get me started on the industrial waste in the rivers.

But the tap water? That, they got right. Hence the popular hypothesis that it's the water that makes the bagels there so iconic. But a moment's thought should be enough to question this. Apart from the pizza dough (also the best in the world, obviously), other bread-like substances, also made with NYC tap water, don't stand out in popularity the way the bagels do. The bread is good, mind you. Just not much different from what you get anywhere.

Also, the beer. Beer is usually around 90-95% water, so that ingredient is of massive importance in the beverage. But there's nothing special about NYC beer. I mean, some people think Brooklyn Brewing makes an exceptional product, but they're wrong. (It's not bad, though.)

So, anyway, the article.

I’m just going to say it: New York City has the best bagels in America, and probably in the world. The absolute greatest, fresh out of the wood-fired oven at St. Viateur in Montreal come close, but what New York has over its Canadian counterpart is a far wider availability of good bagels almost anywhere.

There are those who would get very, very angry at the above. I've heard that the Montreal bagel place mentioned there is truly the epitome of paragons. I haven't been there, so I don't know. But the last point there is important: there exist many fine bagel establishments in NYC, whether in Manhattan our out in the other boroughs.

The folk knowledge used to explain the concentration of high quality bagels has become gospel: it’s all about the water, that there’s something about the pH or the mineral content in NYC tap water that causes the city’s dough to be intangibly superior.

Folk knowledge can be right. Usually, it's not.

America’s Test Kitchen conducted a taste test, pitting bagels made with both Boston and New York City municipal water against each other. The results amongst tasters showed the two batches to be virtually indistinguishable.

I have my issues with blind taste tests. Taste isn't a disconnected sense. Sometimes, something tastes better just because it's rare and precious. Sometimes, it changes with ambiance; imagine being served a five-course dinner at a dive bar, and maybe you know what I'm talking about here. You can "prove" to me all day that a $300 bottle of scotch doesn't taste all that different from a $50 bottle of scotch, and it wouldn't matter; I'd still like the $300 bottle better. Because privilege is a glorious spice indeed.

That said, I think with bagels, it's okay to do this. I just think they ought to have used other cities' water too, and maybe some well water too. You know, for science, and not just because I'm imagining eating that many bagels.

So what actually makes them better in New York? In my opinion, it’s the people. Bagels arrived in New York City by way of Ashkenazi Jewish immigrants from Poland in the late 1800s, and ever since, New Yorkers have been perfecting the craft of bagel rolling and boiling, holding on fiercely to tried and true techniques and recipes even in the modern era.

Yeah, um, that's still an opinion with no data backing it up (other than "okay, so maybe it's not the water.") Sure, it's an opinion I agree with. Still.

This is, of course, also why New York pizza is superior. Only difference is nationality/religion.

When you have a history spanning centuries and generations of people making the same food, often in competition with one another, it’s that pride and local association which produces greatness. It’s why Philadelphia makes the best cheesesteaks, Texas has the best barbecue, and why New York City makes the greatest bagels.

I can accept this proposal. Except for one important thing: Texas does not, in fact, have the best barbecue. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to run away from this angry mob of Texans that suddenly appeared.