Journal/Blog

12-08-25 Insomnia

'Twas the night before Christmas,
And all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring,
Not even a mouse.

Hmmm... thank goodness it is not yet Christmas Eve.

It feels as though Christmas comes and goes faster each year.

I know time doesn't speed up. It's me that gets busy through the year or holds too tightly to day-to-day life that makes it feel as though everything goes faster. As a kid it felt like the days stretched out and it took forever to get to Christmas morning. Now, it is here and gone in a blink.

Throughout all of my life - even as a kid - I was the one stirring. The mice might have been asleep (outside in the barn, thankfully not in our house!), but I have had insomnia for as long as I can remember. It seems to run in the family because my dad had it as well.

As a kid, it was the things that go bump in the night that kept me awake mostly. There were some nights I vividly recall tucking the covers around everything except my mouth (so I could breathe cool air) and just waiting out the night until morning would arrive. If only I could have had coffee in the morning, but it's frowned upon for kindergarteners to partake. Something about stunting your growth and heaven knows I'm already short.

In my childhood home, my room was what used to be the attic and the only way down into the rest of the house was via a set of stairs that led directly into my mom and dad's bedroom. I know - poor mom and dad... and poor kids, right? Well, we did fine with it, somehow. No therapy bills for us. Seriously, I don't remember ever hearing anything inappropriate as a kid. Mom and dad were crafty about finding alone time elsewhere.

The thing about this was that I knew not to go downstairs after bedtime because it might wake my parents. We all knew that dad had a hard time sleeping, so disturbing him would be rude and uncaring. Also, my mom got up at 400am to get ready for work, so again - not cool to wake her up. That meant I was pretty much stuck laying awake in my bed. There wasn't an option to get up and do anything because the noise would echo in the quiet old farmhouse.

Now, most kids would likely have gotten a flashlight and read books. For some odd reason, this never occurred to me. I really, really wish it had. Maybe because we could never find a flashlight when we needed one anyway. Regardless, what I ended up doing was daydreaming, only at night. It was probably the start of when I would have random storylines pop up and run through my mind. They kept me busy and some of them even helped lull me to sleep for a time. I still do it now. It led to wanting to put those stories down somewhere.

When I was young, I remember thinking I couldn't wait until I had my own place where I could just get up and write any time I wanted. Somehow, that has never come to be, even though I have had my own place for 26 years. I never lived alone, so initially it was not wanting to wake my husband. Then, it was not wanting to wake the kids. Now, it is not wanting to wake the dogs. I know. Oh, for heaven's sake! But I console myself with the fact that a lot of my ideas do still pop into my head during my day/night dreaming.

Insomnia hasn't ever really bothered me until these recent years. I could tell that it was beginning to affect my ability to concentrate during the day. With my dad having developed Alzheimer's before he passed away, I am keenly aware of trying my best to get good sleep now. Good sleep is essential to letting your body heal. It may be that hampering our body's ability to wash away the stresses of the day from our brains contributes to developing dementia. I don't know if it is an accurate conclusion, but I can see and appreciate the correlation between continuous mind fog and cognitive decline.

So, I began looking into how to help myself sleep better. (Minus the glaringly obvious fact that not getting up every night for 30 minutes between 100am and 200am to take the puppy out for a break would probably help my cause.) Eventually she will sleep through the night. Please let it be sooner rather than later!

One of the first things I did was evaluate my medicine. It hadn't occurred to me that the meds I am taking to help me feel better (high blood pressure, diabetes, etc.) could be causing some sleeplessness. Indeed, I did find that one of my medicines can result in lower melatonin. So, I started taking a tiny bit of melatonin occasionally and I have had positive results. Go me!

The next thing was how to help myself get to sleep when I am struggling. I don't know about anyone else, but most of my problem is that I can be dead tired and as soon as I get comfortable in bed, I am wide awake. Why? Because apparently my brain thinks that is the best time in the world to solve every single problem I have ever had in the world. Seriously? Thanks, brain.

Here is a little trick I have been doing that has been helping.

I think of a word and then think of words that begin with each letter of that word. When you get to the last letter, you use that word as your new word. Eventually, you fall asleep in the middle of it. It has really worked for me, I am glad to say.
So...
DIPLOMAT
Double
Important
Photograph
Laundromat
Opulent
Material
Automatic
Thermometer

THERMOMETER
Terminal
Heliosphere
And so on and so forth...

It's such a simple thing to do but works for me when counting the proverbial sheep does not and never did.

I guess I shouldn't be surprised that a technique that works for me involves words. Although, I love math and numbers, too. It's just the sheep never worked.

So, here I am hoping that maybe one day, I will be able to just get up and write when I can't sleep. That maybe the dogs will stay snoozing and not expect breakfast at 200am... I'm looking at the chocolate labrador whose tongue and tummy run her life.

Or maybe, I just enjoy the fact that even if I am spelling out words or dreaming up more stories, I am still lying in bed next to my husband during those times. I am more in love with him today than twenty-seven years ago when we got married, so I will take every second I can get to be next to him.

Here's wishing all of us a good night's slumber during this time of the year!