Flashes of Inspiration

Scars of the Heart

The mulch and dirt were forgotten as he sat on the porch looking outward at the American Dream, looking inward at America's Nightmare. She came out of the house and stood beside him.

Josh turned his head and looked away. He didn't want Sophia to see him cry, but the tears rose past his defenses. He felt her hand on his shoulder.

"Josh," she said softly, putting a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay. You have to know it's okay, baby. It's over."

"They died, Soph...!" He managed, unable to hide the wave in his voice. "They all died, and there was nothing I could--nothing I did do!"

She left her arm on his shoulder as he turned to face her. Tears streaked clean lines down his dirty cheeks. "Please not again." Her voice was soothing, but there was a slight harsh edge to it. I don't know if I can to this with you again. "It was a long time ago, baby--"

He shoved her arm away. "Five years is hardly a lifetime ago," he answered bitterly. "It doesn't matter how long, anyway, they're still gone, they're still dead, and I'm still just a goddamn chickenshit!" He said and stalked off toward the corner of the house, his face in his hands, sobbing openly now.

It had been four years, seven months, and forty-one days since the attack at Phu Thanh. She had tried to help him carry the load of that terrible day so many times. She had cried with him, reasoned with him; she had even taken him back to that hellish time by making him recount it in detail, to help him come back through the pain of it. But nothing has helped. Thirty-seven men had died that day in the little camp at Phu Thanh. Josh and a lieutenant were the only ones who survived. They survived because the lieutenant has said they should hide once the fighting started. And Josh had listened.

He was the only one to follow the order, to join the lieutenant, and watch three dozen of the best men he had ever known get shot, mauled, and mutilated.

He hid that day, yes. But he hadn't been able to hide from that day since.

Sophia stood up on the porch, turned, and went inside. She understood that today was just one of the bad days. Not just because Josh was lost in the past, though. Today was one of the bad days that she was unable to convince herself he was wrong.

Today was one of the days she had to try to reconcile to herself that she was married to a coward.