Sam’s Journal of Survival

Control and Thoughts

020426 This journal is fiction. The voice you’re reading is a character, not the author.

Wednesday

I’ve been thinking about control today. Not the kind you force on the world, but the kind you try to hold inside your own head.

I keep telling myself that maybe happiness isn’t something you find. Maybe it’s something you allow. Or something you stop blocking.

If I could just stop thinking about the bad things, the memories, the what-ifs, the moments that won’t stay where they belong, maybe life would feel lighter. Maybe I wouldn’t wake up already tired. Maybe I could be happier. Or at least just plain happy, without needing a reason.

I know it isn’t that simple. I know thoughts don’t follow orders. But I’m trying anyway. When the past pushes in, I tell myself I’m here, I’m safe, and I get to choose what I focus on right now.

Some moments it works. The quiet lasts a little longer. My shoulders drop. My breathing slows. Those moments matter more than I used to think.

Maybe controlling my thoughts isn’t about erasing the past.
Maybe it’s about not letting it own every part of today.