Sam’s Journal of Survival

A Sign of Healing

020526 This journal is fiction. The voice you’re reading is a character, not the author.

Thursday

This surprised me, and I’m not quite sure what to do with it yet.

I realized today that I’m actually looking forward to seeing the PI tomorrow. Mr. Paul Trask. Just writing his name here feels strange. Not bad. Just unexpected.

He’s nice. That much I’ve known from the start. Calm. Thoughtful. He listens in a way that makes you feel like what you’re saying matters. But today, somewhere between folding laundry and staring out the kitchen window, it occurred to me that he’s also good-looking. I actually noticed. That alone feels like a small shock.

I think what caught me off guard most isn’t the attraction, though. It’s the way I feel when he’s around. Safe. Steadier. Like the room has firmer walls. He carries himself with an air of quiet competence, like someone who knows how to handle trouble without creating more of it.

I’m not imagining anything beyond that. I’m not ready for that. I know better than to rush my heart into places it can’t yet stand. Still, it feels good to notice something human in myself again. To feel something that isn’t fear or vigilance or exhaustion.

Maybe this is another sign of healing. Or maybe it’s just a moment.

Either way, I’m letting myself have it.