Same Day

Feelings

Hello again everybody,it's me again,I just wanted to talk about of my boring issues cuz I'm bored,errr...but anyways I hate people,I mean,they can be so fucking rude and selfish,and I can't stand people that think they're better than me and talk about teir problems when they practically have everything they need,it's a bunch of bullshit,I have everything I want...but even though I'm only 14 in a half,I feel like a want a companion or something..I'm not really close with my dad so I have always looked for the "male" figure,but never found it...I learned life's trick the easy way,but accepted it harshly.It happened when my mother always kept me from liking guys,and everytime I did,I would get harsh insults that seemed mean at the time cuz I wasn't quite a teen.I understand how much my mom loves me and she does everything for me.I love my mom,don't get me wrong,but what has happened in the past has affected me at 14...very much.I was taught not to trust guys so I don't,I mean,that's what I was fucking taught so I abide by it.Things like...the thought of being alone with a guy totally freaks me out,and the thought of sex is like =-0...I remember my old old old "so-called b/f's" use to try to put their hands on me and I'm like what the fuck are you doing? It scared me a lot at the time...I wasn't exposed to this "sexual" stuff.Things like this still occur with me today,maybe that's why I can't find a boyfriend? I'm too prude? I'm too different? I mean..I'm not gonna dress like a fucking slut and sleep with 100 guys just to make myself happy...for god's sake man...sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have the intention to "love" someone...I think it's funny how I can practically see the world revolving,but no one else sees it...sometimes I think I'm above human intelligence in that matter.I know I'm not perfect,but god I'm the next best thing...rotfl,j/k.I even get jealous when I see couples and stuff hug...I'm like "Awww,look...that's so fucking sweet,kiss my ass." Ugh...there was this guy I liked that was a friend of my best friend,Brooke.I mean..I thought he was pretty hot yanno...but he always happened to ignore me cuz I wore a Slipknot shirt to his fucking church...I'm like well fuck all of you Christians if you can't accept who the hell I am,you damn Bible thumpers.Then he had the nerve to ask me if I was a lesbian which pissed me off and made me feel so goddamn retarded..cuz he asked me in front of my friend and her b/f...they just started laughing,I was like "Ummm no I'm not a fucking lesbian,you asshole." No offene to anyone who is homosexual cuz I do support gay rights strongely...it just made mad cuz I liked him a lot and he had the nerve to ask me that...well anyways there was another time I went bowling with my friend(again),her b/f,my friend Trenton and Morgan...well all of my friends happened to be making out...there were 5 people who went...2+2(couples)=4..what happened to the 5th person...she bowled while her friends made out and I wathed everyone else do it...deep inside at that moment(which this has happened before)I was thinking "God,I'm never gonna go out with friends again,this is so fucked up,what the fuck did I do to deserve this shit?" Maybe there is an answer,in the end I'll be the smart one...wait and see...maybe I need to hurry up and get into high school..learn more things about life and it's meaning...lots of people wonder why I'd rather hang around bi/gay guys instead of straight...it's all about trust in it's own special way...I mean..they're nice,come on you have to agree? right? and if you hate gay people you need to leave this fucking journal cuz your ass don't belong here! But like I was saying...I would feel a lot more comfortable around a gay guy cu of course he's gay and he wouldn't try to do anything nasty to me...as for bi guys...it's like this...guy on guy action is a fucking turn on for me,I mean damnmmmm ya'll...am
I saying that I want a threesome when I'm older? Shithead,I told you I was afraid of sex lmao...it does sound kinda cool though..errr...on with life..don't tell anybody I told you it was my turn on..that's a very deep secret for those of you that didn't know...muahaha.Anywho,there's your fucking lesson that you have learned today by ~sic jess.I hope you all enjoyed my half-life that I told...as for the enemies and people that look down on me...FUCK YOU.Thanx,please come back again tomorrow..plus I'm sorry,but I haven't been able to write anymore of my short story yet..I might do some more in a second,I've been working on my ummm friend's site and layout ok ok whatever peace out now.