Sarah's Life

The memories fade...

This time last year I was busy destroying a good friendship. It's amazing how much one year can change a person. Last year, I wouldn't have had the nerve to write this. This year, I can't believe it's taken me this long. Last year, I would be crying because of what's going on in my life. This year, I just stumble through and occasionally smile. Last year.... well... last year was tough for me. This year... is just a culmanation of the past year.

Last year I was very into this guy who lives across the street from me. His name is... well... we'll call him "Kebeth". He was, and still is, incredibly good looking. And to top that off - he and I were good friends. At that point in my life, he was one of two people that really understood me, and the only male. Well, through various channels I realized that he liked me too, and we tried to take our very good friendship to boyfriend/girlfriend status. Needless to say - it failed horribly. There are lots of reasons why, but the main one was that part of me knew a relationship with him would ruin everything. The fact that I was terrified of commitment to anyone was another. Oh, you'll tell me that we're just teens and that just because we are going out doesn't mean we are going to get married. Well, I'm not talking that kind of commitment. I'm talking the kind where the person you are with gets to know you better - I'm terrified of people seeing the real me.

Well, this time last year, Kebeth was the most important person in my life. Over the course of the last year he and I have stopped talking, and I met wolflord. Elyas was, and is, the most important person in my life up until this point. Though right now I'm not dating him for personal reasons, I am still convinced that he is my soulmate. Losing Kebeth last year really depressed me. But this year, though losing Elyas should hurt more, it actually doesn't. Because I know with Elyas that I havn't really lost him....

It's amazing though, how much difference a year can make in a persons life. Last year I wouldn't have been able to face the comittment that I had with Elyas. This year... I miss it.

Kgirlfae ~ Wanting