The Personal Chronicles of a Teenage Boy

Relationships

Warning to all gay people. I make a joke at in this entry. As the world has become very easy to affend, I thought I'd give you a warning. And, by the way, Italians, I'll be making fun of you, too, so don't send any of your "cronnies" from the "family" to "whack" me.

Relationships are the most screwed up thing I've ever encountered. High school girls are like members of a completely different species! I simply don't know what attracts them. Here's my story:
I recently was stage manager for my school play, "Moon Over Buffalo". During this time period, I met two freshman girls who joined stage crew. I was slightly attracted to one. I learned something from these two.

LESSON ONE

Don't answer personal questions when there's more than one of them. Girl B told Girl A that I liked her without considering the consequences. Of course, when I say, "slight attraction," I mean just that. Girl A, a good conversationalist, started avoiding me at all costs. She seemed to be uncomfortable around me due to her crush on one of the actors. This made me uncomfortable, and I nearly lost a friend.

LESSON TWO

Don't try clearing the air. It only makes it worse. These creatures see things as black and white, with no grey area. I'm not sure why, or if it was only these two specimens, but it's true.
I tried clearing the air when Girl A asked me about it, and all it did was make it worse, because she couldn't understand what I was saying. You tell me if it isn't straight-forward. "You're a great person and if you were interested, I'd like to get to know you a little better, but

LESSON THREE

Don't try to comprehend anything about them. This species is very odd. The aforementioned actor is exactly like me, only he looks his age, while I will always look like a child. His physical appearance is all that's different between us, but for some reason, the girls were highly attracted to him, yet I was so low on their chart that I was reffered to as a "big brother." That one really hurt.
There was only one other difference between us...

LESSON FOUR

Don't talk to them. Trust me; it's for the better.
I made this mistake, but you don't have to fall into the same trap! It seemed as though whenever I went to talk to them, the girls would turn into magnets. I would, of course, have the same polarization as them while the actor had the opposite one. Both girls would scatter and instantly fly to the actor. It baffles me. We're practically the same person for Heaven's sake! The ironic part of this is that the final (I mean it this time.) difference between me and the other guy is that he has made it clear that he doesn't want a relationship with either of these girls!

LESSON FIVE
My homework is easier than this, just so you know.

Avoid any girls with which you may come in contact at all costs, if there is any possibility of romance. It's just better that way. I now understand why there are so many gay people in the world! Understanding the same sex is a lot easier than understanding the foreign one!

Yes, that was the gay joke. I never said it was a good one.
And as for Italians; you're all in the mob! Ha ha!