Me, myself and the public

New crush-It's a curse!

Hi, it's me again.
My new crush is Jack*. He is a mystery, he makes have all these new, unexplained feelings. You see, I grew up in a all-male house. I more or less know what makes a guy tick, apart from dipicting them in a story. I don't really care about what people think unless they are from people who matter and I know that their views are valid-Iam never nervous or paranoid ever, apart I have speak or perform to quite a large audience, and even then I don't get nervous until the last minute.
But now, I am a wreck around him. No one looks good in the uniform, so I'm more paranoid than ever.I check my hair and wonder if he is thinking I look stupid. It drives me CRAZY! I mean 'if this is what love does to you, I don't want anyone to love me. not that anyone would...' . That was an extract from the brill book 'A little Love Song' By Michelle Magorian. It's probably one of the best love stories I've ever read. But you might find it hard to find in USA. i went to one of the biggest book stores in the world while in Florida. The guy said he had never even heard of her. I think that's a real pity.
Anyway back to Jack*. The biggest problem about him (apart from being over-religious, rude, unsexy, sarcastic, bad joker, a lad...),he's a know it all. He HAS to be right-or else. I myself is a very outspoken individual person. We clash horribly and the results will be tragic. But I don't change my way of life for any guy. They have to love me for my brilliant self.
However i did tell a lie. I do feel self-conscious around older strangers, especially if they're men, as i have been prone to many perverts trying to take me home... you know the rest. This has happens to me many times.there is nothing I can do about it other than talk. and talk I will. The first incident was when I was around 11 (I'm 13 now). it was the assistant shopkeeper at my local store. I remember him saying you're so cute and that I look so mature. One time I had to go to the shop and get an air freshener. He was at the back with me. The shelves in the divide hid me from the guy at the counter. I realised then i didn't have enough money. i was about to leave when he held me back:
"Look, I'll shave a few pennies off..."
"Thanks!"
"You look really nice in your leather coat, you know."
"Thank you, I had it for ages."
"You look really cute and mature. How old are you? 14, 15?"
"I'm 11"
"Oh, look I am not interested in you that way OK. You're just a nice girl Ok? You know, we're friends and that.Am i right?"
"Yeah, course you are."
He then gave me a full-frontal hug, and a kiss on the cheek. I could feel the hairy stubble on his mouth and chin. He told me not to tell anyone what just happened and we back to the counter one by one. No one knew what happened. I wanted to keep it as quietly as possible. Now it's out.
At the moment it's quite late but I am alone at home. My brother's at work, and my Dad is in Greece for a working weekend i kid you not. You see the communications in Greece has broken down and now he's gotta fix it. Kinda cool. And since my brother is gone tomorrow I'll be alone. Tomorrow I'll introduce my 'different' family. Night night.