Rants on lit. from Guatemala

God I need a cigarette 13-2-2001

Sorry it´s late.

Music: Well… didn´t feel like listening to anything right now.

Read: Crime and punishment… and that dude is cool!!! And that´s my professional opinion.

I´ve been checking the last two posts, and boy do they make no sense at all. The happenings of the day had been filed with my on line friends. So I have got nearly no time to write. Not that I mind in the least.

Today I said things I didn´t want to. I don´t know why this happens, and I can not understand it´s meaning. I´ve been reading… when I have time between Rascolnicobs punishment about this couples that meet fall in love and get wed on the messengers. And I know this is not good for me. I might get confused about what it means to be real.

Today I also got a close call with the reality of it all. There is this old thought I had… reading wittgenstains ideas. If all the words are the components of reality the reality of the written word is as tangible as any other. But this is miss leading… not to mention dangerous. If the only thing standing between us and reality are words… why is it so hard to belive that you could fall in love with someone over the messengers.

As I said before… I may not be the masked philosopher… but I do my bit to contribute to the evolution of complex thought. Someone is going to read this and think… boy does this dude thinks hard. And hard is not the word, the word is: complex. And not in a good sense… the good stuff people who read philosophy is accustomed to… it´s complex in the meaning that I can´t handle all the ideas so they come out in order. There for: complex in the sense that it´s all messed up and not ordered.

I´ve been trying to continue the writing on “the chain bell” and the new one. But it´s no use. I just don’t feel sensual enough to control myself throw the writing of such things. This must mean I´m human… as Mariana would put it (I think) but I have the fear that I am just confused. So much so, that I can´t get out of this current funk.

God I need a cigarette.

I have been trying as well to get some serious work out. But my mind is blank. It must be because I have a terrible case of the flu. That, as well as my lack of sleep is giving me a diagonal pitch on all things. I have told Roula this too… and she seems interested in the meaning of it. I must come up with my own ideas on the subject.

Today as I was explaining the meaning of the inner workings of a sentence to Julio (band´s other guitar player) I thought of something: even if this is a way to make clear some of the meanings of grate philosophers… it´s a bitch to explain and more of a bitch to put into practice. Everything then becomes a big blanc page… like the deconstructivist wanted in the firs place.

Deconstructivism came upon us as a consequence of structuralism. What would come upon us from the idea of the working process of words? Every kind of reductionism I can think of will not cover what understanding this process would do to a person.

Again with this day, I was discussing nietzche with Hugo (band´s vocalist) and he didn´t understand squat on the subject. And as I ´ve seen many times before… the ignorant (not excluding myself) always recur to violence (of words, or thoughts) to cover up or make up for it.

Nietszche can´t be taken out of context to serve your cause. It is the necessity of any human being to come up with it´s own way. And stick to it till he/she has worked out everything.

This is the only clause we can live by. Nobody shows you the way, the way is already there… clouded by preconceived or predigested knowledge… everything can just go to hell for all I care. Only the truth is important.

And any truth if you find it on your own is worth more than the whole discourse put forth by Saratustra.