I knew this would happen...

the cycle

Here I am, here I was, thinking that I had my life on track, that I was no longer becoming involved in dead end relationships with complete losers. Okay, so perhaps losers is a pretty strong word, I guess when they are coupled with me we run into a dead end.
I thought that I was so dramatically affected by what goes on with him because I was so in love with him. But really, unhappy is unhappy, and when you are crying all the time, well, I think it is safe to think that you are really truly sad.
How to stop myself before I make yet another excuse. Am I really just focusing on the bad? I thought so at one time, but it seems more and more that I am wrong again.
Perhaps I really do love him, and perhaps in his own way he loves me too. Unfortunately, things have gotten to a point where I am no longer willing to put myself through this time and time again.
I have heard all of this before... Moving in with a female-my husband did that.
It's for financial reasons only-my husband said that
It is strictly platonic-heard it too.
Now he is sticking up for her
Now she is bitching to other people about my attitude on the phone
Now after all the upset, the plans made, he has spent another night there.
Will I ever know if it is more than just a living arrangement? Will I ever want to know? Not really, why wait to find out what my heart is already telling me. In fact what everyone I know is telling me - GET away from him. My sisters, my parents, my friends. I guess there are other types of abuse, and with this one being so different from the type I am used to???
Am I really saying that? USED TO?

And then all I can think is that I want my baby back, and... then I really have to think, although he is the one I think of, my child can never truly be replaced. A friend of mine told me that having another baby helped, but inlight of the current situation... well
It would also be a desparate attempt to keep him, and I have seen how sensitive he is when I am upset.
I feel sick