....Title.....

regret

Regret is the worst out of its brothers and sisters; happy, sad, and mad. It is the one feeling that you can't do anything about. Regret hurts like none other and loves to lurk in the reces (sp?) of your mind, popping its ugly head out just to remind you what you did, what you should have done, and how you'll never be able to fix it.

Today i regret the fact that i never wrote down when i became a preferred author, which must be one of the most important moments in my life. I know I was still in 8th grade and and it was either on a tuesday or a thursday. I always told myself that i would go back and check my email to see the date when i was preferred so i can write about it in my journal, cuz i never did, and if i did it was deleted because of my huge mistake of thinking i deleted an entry when i deleted the whole journal. I regret that i didnt write about my first day of school on my first day of school. but atleast i wrote about.

What else do i regret? Let me not think about it anymore if not i'll start to sink deeper in my own self pity.

yesterday was Leana's Quincenera (spelled it wrong, oh yeah i regret not remembering my first language spanish). I went to her party and got to see Luly who i havent seen in the longest time. It was sooo good seeing her. I also saw Eric who've i missed too. His eyes were green, sort of olive oily last night and that black thing in the center of ur eye, the pupil i think was huge. the only other time i remember it being like that was at sharlote's mothers' funeral. but they were blue that night.

(i'm watching foodnetwork and they are giving stuff about sweets, and they had giant fortune cookies (yummy I think i'll go get a small one right now) and really yummmy looking cookies. why am i torturing myself like this?) Some people think the best part of a fortune cookie is the fortune but i love the cookie!
New york- dillans candy bar)

anyways, eric was completely ignoring us, luly and me. sll his attention was on genesus. not that i like him but hes been my friend since elem. and i havent seen him in ages. i think they are going to be going out soon. its not fair hes like best friends with angela but he cant be with me. not i sound like i'm four. great!

leana totally dissed her 2 best friends since elem, luly and me, for her new colorguard friends.

oh by the way i went to the dentist amd they filled in 4 extremely minor cavities and u know when they are working in ur mouth they have such a weird viewing perspective. they can see everything in ur mouth and up your nose.

anyways i was really pissed at leana and so was luly speciall because leanas new friends wouldnt let her old friends into the circle they were dancing in. oh well the old people had their own circle and damn did we dance. i dodnt care i danced till i was aching. except for the salsa part cuz i havent learned how to salsa yet. i'm better at meregue and um....cough, cough, wink wink....booty music :) well i think this is the end of todays journal entry :)

nope i thought i was done ranting for today but i was wrong.
i want a best guy friend......i have millions of best friends that are girls whats up w/ the guys!!! I miss Eric. :(

i felt left out last night, with genesis and eric, and tati and her pretty cute boyfriend, and leanas new friends. if luly wasn there i probably would have left early. i feel out of place in my new school cuz the groups i hang out with come from the same schools. if it wasnt for caro and kamilah i would be like jessica (not my friend jessica but this gurl in my school who never talks to anyone but insits on sitting at our table. when we talk to her its like we have to force her talk, its just really annoying.) except unlike jessica i wouldnt be so shy. sometimes i feel left out at jocy's practices cuz yesy and leslie are such good friends and they can dance..well so can i...but still........oh i dont know......i feel left out in the boyfriend department.....i want one but then again i dont want one. i'm just all screwed up.

i dont fit in anywhere anymore. Not even in myself.