....Title.....

hello

if i remember correctly my last journal entry ended something like this "guess i just dont fit in anymore". sound a little existential? not completely of course....or atleast not yet. In my english class we read The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka. Very deep fellow. I feel so bad for him.....his life was horrible.....he felt that when if he died and all memory of him was erased then the world would be a better place. Poor dear, maybe he doesnt want my pity but what am i expected to feel. its a surprise that i'm even feeling at all. i'm starting to think i never had a heart, of course i have a heart....the actual organ.....but not the heart....the one with love and feelings and what not. I think all that is conjured by our minds. i have yet to have my heart stop when i see that special someone and i cant stand when certain people give me kisses. also my uncle died recently and i wasnt sad or mad or glad i was indifferent....my day just went on. he went at 4 in the morning by the way. lets see other examples of my nonexistent heart...i'll have to think about it a little more.

xmas is coming up. my mom bought pretty bracelets for my new friends. the thing is once u start passing out gifts than everyone becomes ur buddy and they expect one. i feel bad cuz i cant give a lot of people but i'm not rich. caro and kamilah are getting something with out a doubt. i dont what i'm gonna do about my old friends. and i want to give the people that are closest to me different gifts put theres only 3 bracelets that are different and i'm not sure of caro and kamilah will like them. well its still a while yet to worry about that.

i was a female dog to sarvani today....i still feel horrible.
i was a female dog to kamilah the other day.....giving her grief about her religion.....

yup thats me C.O. the heartless female dog....I'm still trying to figure out if Poetessa is the same.