Late Night Philosophy

I'm Still Here

I know I haven't updated in a long time. But then, I haven't read anything or talked to anyone about anything that's really made me think about something really new.

Basically, I'm just depressed. Do any of you know what it's like to love someone you've never met... and that person tells you that they love you too, even though they've never met you either? I know her as well or better than the people who live around her and she knows me in the same way. But still, there is a mutual and unavoidable mistrust. It's unavoidable because we've never met in person and because writing is always guarded. One can't say everything that they mean simply in words. Also, as is good practice, we do not know where exactly the other lives nor the other's full real name. That in itself breeds mistrust especially when two people become as mentally close as I have to her. So, the slight mistrust is unavoidable. Or maybe I'm just paranoid. She hasn't given me any good reason to think she was someone else. I'm just saying that it's not impossible. And it's certainly not impluasable either.

So when I think about it, I'm back to the emotional war I've always fought. The part of me that feels trusts her without question but the rational part of me reminds me of the ugliness of a possible reality. A reality that could very well be true IF certain circumstances exist, which they don't.

Well, I still trust her to do what is right. What else can I do but trust. Sometimes we all just have to let go. We can't control everything. If I try to control this situation, it would probably just crumble and fall through my fingers. If I sit back and believe everything will turn out and still give my all the way I have been, then I think that it will. If there is deceit (and I do not beleive there is), it will be shown to me plain as day because I will be oblivious to it until that time because I choose to trust fully and completely.

"I can't imagine a God who would care."
"I may be synthetic, but I'm not stupid."
Bishop, Aliens
Please read my journal "Late Night Philosophy" 
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