Once Upon A Shadow, Deep Inside A Dream

When You Think About It 10-15-02

When You Think About It

It's just a typical day for me, just another normal day.
It's just average, just the same, just a page in my book of me.
It's not important, not life changing, not memorable, nothing special to say.
It's just today, just tomorrow, just yesterday, when you think about it.

I'm just a typical person, just another normal 'joe'.
It's just an average talent, just expressed in a different way, just touched by my hand.
I'm not important, not life changing, not memorable, I go with the flow.
I'm just me, just Julie, just a girl, when you think about it.

It's just a typical regret, just another normal 'I wish I had...'.
It's just an average mistake, just the same problem, just the thing I didn't do.
It's not important, won't destroy a life, easily forgotten, not so bad.
It's just what I did wrong, just how I missed it, just how I messed up, when you think about it.

I can't understand why life leaves me so lonely, so empty, so depressed.
I can't understand why my triumphs are also my failures, why my life is also my death.
I can't understand why my words are always wrong, why my message is never clear, why I am never missed.
I can't understand what my purpose is, why I am alive, who I should live for...when you think about it.

I am not trying hard enough yet I am working hard and trying my best.
I am not fighting hard enough yet I pray and weild my sword every day.
I am not living up to anyone's standards though I am doing just like all the rest.
I am not acheiving anything, not leaving a mark, not bringing joy, when you think about it.

When you think about it, I am failing at life.
When you think about it, I am no one's friend.
When you think about it, I am holding the backstabbing knife.
When you think about it, I am.

Why?