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Dear Whoever 10-10-02

A letter of mixed feelings to the one who causes them.


Dear Whoever;

So, to say that there is nothing special about this letter would be a lie. What can I say? I am crazy about the colors in your eyes, about your smile and your life, about you. And you don't even care. But that is okay. You think that maybe, someday, there could be a chance that you and I could be? I don't. No matter how much I long for it, no matter how much I pray for it, no matter how long I want it, it is not possible.

So, then you ask, what is the point of this letter? I'll tell you. It is to help me realize something. I cannot even scratch the surface of how I feel about you. And, I don't really want to know anyway. I can actually see us together, happy and in love, and then you ask, 'And your name is again?' Can you hear my sorrow?

I may sound a little extreme. You don't really forget my name but I am positive you forget me the minute you don't see me anymore. I wish I could do the same. I played a crush game with someone once. I danced near a flame and got burned. I don't care.

So, here it is, before us both, on the ground. I do think that I love you. Can it be that maybe there is something in me that refuses to let go? I want to kill that thing, the claw that grips my heart and turns my head. The thing that says, 'Look, there he is again. Look at his eyes, his smile. Listen to him laugh and talk. There he is.' Do I really need to be a doting admirer of you forever? I thought I was free of you. I thought that I could move on. But I was mistaken.

So, if I give you this letter, will you stare at me in shock and disgust? I am not your type. I have seen happy people. I have seen my friends get the person they want, they love. But I have also seen the other side. I have seen the tears and felt the hurt. I am not saying that everyone gets what they want. How does that song go? You can't always get what you want but you get what you need. Something like that. I get all that I need.

But I want you.

So, now I find myself torn. Shall I continue on and let you go? As if I could drop you like a bad habit. I would have done that. I can't let you enter my dreams anymore, I can't find a shadow to hide in any longer. I shall not live off of everyone else's happiness anymore. Dear, sweet love of my life, can you live without me?

So, here is where I end this letter, with a kiss and a hug and a silent prayer. Dear, whoever, this goes out to you, where ever you are.

Once I felt a sadness so deep,
I couldn't help but sit and weep.
I thought that I was over you,
And now I see that is not true.
There is nothing in the world I can do,
To show you that my love is new.
Although it feels like the same old feeling,
This love is a new form of healing.
So now I shun this verse and rhyme,
And say that I am always yours.
I leave behind my shattered past,
To join our hearts and lives together.
But if you do not feel the same,
I ask you to remain my friend.
Please do not leave me behind,
Let's finish this race and win this time.

Love Always,
Forever Me