Once Upon A Shadow, Deep Inside A Dream

Holidays 1-6-03

The joy remains out of reach, drifting and ending, lifting and falling,
I wonder what is wrong with me, why I feel this way, why I feel like sobbing,
There is no answer, no reason for this sorrow, and that makes me feel worse,
As nature fights against me and depression follows its natural course.
I guess I should just disappear, I guess I shouldn’t be here, or anywhere,
If this is all I look forward to, I have no reason to be glad, I fear,
It is too much for me to maintain my glee, it is too much for me to pretend,
I sit in my office chair and pray and wait and watch for this day to end.
I guess this is the time for me to wonder why I feel this way more often,
And maybe I will discover the reasons for the mood I constantly fall in,
But I won’t believe that the answer will come as quickly as I need it to,
Even though the holidays are lingering and coming in the times they normally do.
If the sad tears I cry later today are the result of tomorrows I dread or yesterdays lost,
Or if they are for something deeper that cannot be named, the price of sorrow is a huge cost,
I will leave this sad rhyme alone for now and I will smile and wish everyone a happy holiday,
Because this depression and sorrow has no true cause and I don’t know what else to say.