Journal

we are never left unbroken

this was an email that i wrote to one of my friends last night, i didn't send it. i skiped school today, i don't feel like i can handle all the bs.






hey,


i don't know why i'm writing this so if you aren't feeling like hearing me fall apart you better delete this now. god, ever feel like everything is going to hell, and everything you try or do can't change it? ever feel like you have lost your voice? i feel like people are over powering me, and my thoughts. all this crap keeps going through my head, none of it is important but it won't go away. i am tired, i feel like i have been doing the same thing forever. lately i have just been feeling 2nd best always. i know that might sound stuck up or something and don't mean to. i just feel like i am worthless, i can't do anything, everyone around me has some kind of talent or they are they are beatiful and admired. it seems like i have so much to learn and i am just retarded or something.
i was so happy like 10 minutes ago. then dee called, god, sometimes her voice and just the way she says things can depress me. very very few people can do that to me. her and ferron probably cause me the most pain in that way. she said she went to see ferron and no ferron isn't on coke again just pot and drinking. sometimes i just feel like giving up. imeadetly after dee quickly tells me not to freak out. i truly wish i had. maybe this is my freak out for that. i don't think so i think that this is a build up of shit. when she was telling me i wasn't surprised, i wasn't worried. i was totally detached, like dee was telling me about one of her freinds from bulgaria that i will probably never meet. it kinda pisses me off. does everyone expect me to freak out about everything? do ppl really think that i have that much energy? well i am being kicked off the computer i don't even know if i'm going to send this. i don't think so