Life in it's own way

Different

Some days, days like today, I realize how different my life is from other people around my age.. Now I'm not complaining, because like I said before I chose this life myself, and I really like it, but it just makes me think about what my life would've been looking like if I had chosen to go to school full time, instead of doing what I do now, going to school for 2 weeks about every 3 months, and working the rest of the time.
There's no way I'd be living here in amsterdam. I would still be living with my parents, have all the weekends and nights off, so I'd be able to spend a lot of time with my friends. I would have met other people, be doing other things, I'd probably still be working at the animalshelter in the weekends, earning pretty much nothing.
But after having had 5 early shifts, in which we hardly had a chance to eat properly, coming home to do pretty much nothing, except for falling asleep on the couch while watching tv, all of that doesn't even sound so bad..
I mean, I am only 19, what am I doing taking care of people who have braintumors, people who know they won't make it to the next year? What am I doing seeing people die? As a nurse people trust you, and tell you everything that's bothering them, how afraid they are to die, how they want to see their little girl or boy grow up, be with them on their fist day of school, etc, and how they know that won't happen.. They won't be there anymore..
Now when I'm at work, I act proffesionally, I listen to them, talk to them, be with them, but these aren't things you forget about when you leave the room.
What am I doing? I'm only 19!!

"I'll ride the trail till the stars turn pale
And camp at the break of dawn
Nobody will know which way I'll go
They'll only know I'm gone.