rolling down a hill in a barrel with the inside covered in razor-wire |
i hate my fucking dreams. ive had a plethora about crystal. so many that i can't remember half of them. it's really starting to get to me now. cause, honestly, i don't like dreaming about her cause i half to admit that i still have feelings for her. and of course each dream has to be dynamically vivid. the one i had last night was really specific towards a feel ive had with her on several occasions. Whenever i would touch her, i would always get this nervousness or anxiety. that sounded negative...well, more or less, kinda like it was the first time i touched her, and the last time i would touch her. a lover's touch basically. and that's what the dream was about. i was putting a rubber band in my hair, fucking around with it. And she was sitting next to me on the bed...and i got the feeling like we were together again. anyways, so im fucking with the rubber band, she takes it out of my hand and exactly how she would talk to me, said 'give it to me, let me do it'...so she puts the rubber band in my hair. as shes doing it, i wrap my arm around her waist...i dunno, set me off. that whole feeling just relived again. i woke up feeling like shit for it. i'm honestly getting tired of missing her. people give me the same excuse, that time heals it all. But its fucking redundant to say it, cause the more time it takes for you to heal, is a longer time for the pain to linger. It doesn't hurt like it used to, but the longing is still there. i'm just wondering how long im supposed to be miserable... |