Journal

i've royally screwed up this time

well lets see. tuesday was a snow day for our school and the school ferron goes to. so i was scrambling to clean my room to find my cell phone. then i get lazy and fall asleep. ferron shows up and says she has to talk to me. she is with her mom on a shopping day so we go to wal mart. and i tell her about my v-day weekend. the clubs, the mistakes and all that jazz. she just guilts the bejesus outta me. so here's the total........ tiffany guilted me and yelled, dee also, after i called him drunk, mic cut himself, and he told me that i motivated him to start smoking again. because i was. key word WAS! i am so over that. i made mistakes. how many times to i have to say that?
anyway, ferron started crying and like blamed all her drinking and drugs on me. like i was some role model or something. bs. i don't know. i was feeling like crap. i got home and made a descision between talking to tiffany or eating a gallon of rocky road. i wish that i had chosen the later. i went to tiffnay. spilled my heart. told her about jesse and dee. one of the biggest mistakes ever. she is in the posistion to hurt them both. very badly. :(( it all just came out. i don't know. i felt like everyone was minpulating me and i was mad at them for blowing my mistakes out of preportion. they all freaked and told people that had no bussiness knowing. mic told dee and dee told jesse and tiffany, somebody told ferron. the only person i wanted to know was mic. they kind of betrayed my trust. they said that they were worried but that is bs. i don't care if they were worried they had no right to do that.
so i told tiffany. she got livid that dee and jesse had been dating behind her back and everything got screwed. she told jesse that she knew and like cried or something. he is freaking out. he doesn't trust me anymore. dee was pissed off, he made sure that she wasn't livid when she got here. she confrounted me. it was ugly.
i felt like she could make everyone do anything that she wanted them to do. this is what tiffany told me. dee told me that i had ruined everything. i don't know. i don't know what to do. i am so lost an confused. i don't know who to talk to. i can't trust anyone. they have all shown that they can't handle it. who do i trust? dee and i are fine right now. well we were. she is now on the phone with jesse. i don't know if he will make her angry again. god this is horrid. i just don't know what to do. help.