aumsworld

Virtual Mausoleum?

I'm not sure whether this makes me a geek, a nerd, or what (and even if it does, I don't think I mind) but I tend to think that virtual relationships, or relationships entirely carried through another media such as the mail or the Internet, can be as complex and valuable, if not more so, than ordinary ones. In real life, human beings often rely on appearance, speech, dress code, habits, and social tendencies to make a judgment on other people; however, when they communicate strictly through paper or through their monitors, such handicaps are greatly restrained. This may be hard for anyone who knows me online to tell, but in reality I tend to be a rather quiet, reserved type (unless I'm on sugar, caffeine or dope, of course ) and, although I'll always speak my mind if asked for my opinion, I usually won't shout it over the rooftops, which I do online. Nevertheless, which of the two is my truer personality, my real-life one or my fictional one? I could easily write a thesis defending either two, but right now I'd say fictional. Thus, it is possible, in my book, to be real online; and likewise, it is possible to have real relationships without ever having met in real life. And when these relationships are broken, I tell you, it can hurt just as much as when you lose a friend.

Have I lost a friend?

I "met" Jelmer Huttenga last summer. My parents had gotten a brand-new computer, which I was eager to use, and I'd quickly become the moderator of a writers' group (which crashed, of course, but that's off-topic.) I was searching for potential members at the time, and I'd come across Jelmer's stories by accessing his website. He was (damn, I hate using past tense) a brilliant writer. Seriously, if you think my stories are creative, and my articles are funny, you haven't seen a damned thing. He was HILARIOUS. He could pull off a Middle Earth-meets-Indiana Jones modern fantasy epic featuring floating cowsprint pillows, explosive donuts, sardine cans on wheels, and other nonsense, and make it not only funny but intelligent. (And I'm not just saying this to honour his memory. I think his website is still online. Check it out if you don't believe me.) Well, anyway, he joined my pitiful little group, and he was probably the one member I got along well with; the rest had trouble dealing with my insanity, and his incoherence. When the group fluked, we went on communicating. We were pen pals during a little while, trading notes and stories (well, at least I read HIS stories; he never read MINE, hehe) and IMed each other every morning during a couple of weeks. I can't say we were ever close friends, even not close e-pals, but we got along. Our conversations were always the oddest... I remember one we had about eating mailmen. (Don't ask.) We'd completely lost contact over the last couple of months, but I still occasionally checked out his stories. Well, anyway, his cousin just sent me a message to tell me he died on last Saturday. Run over by a car, and died shortly afterwards. He'd just turned twenty.

I can't say I'm weeping for him, because that wouldn't be true, but I'm genuinely upset. No friend or even classmate of mine's ever died. Actually, I've been strangely sheltered from death all my life, and I don't think anyone I've known's ever died. I saw a corpse once, that of a woman whom I'd seen in church; but I'd never really SPOKEN to her or gotten to know her. I'll never see Jelmer (Jelmo or just Elmo for friends) but I'd talked to him a few times, I'd gotten to know him, and damn... I feel bad. The poor kid was only twenty years old, for God's sake. TWENTY YEARS OLD. He'd liked beer, mythology, writing odd stories. He'd worked as a mailman but wanted to try his luck at becoming an author. Now what's going to happen to him? He died before he had his chance to leave his mark on the world. Within a century no one will remember him. I feel I just have to write this, just to remember he existed once...

Damn, I'm finally getting sappy.

Anyway, my point is that although I'd only known him through the image he'd created for himself online, he'd been a real pal. I'm thinking about creating a virtual mausoleum, such a picture of a tombstone with his name on it, and ask everyone who'd known him (IRL or online) to come and sign it. If that doesn't come through, though, at least I'll have sung my little elegy for him. I may be a nerd, a geek, a sap, whatever, but it just feels right.

You take care, Jelmer.

-Aum

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **