Journal

blur

This past couple of days has just been a blur of emotions. I don't know. One minute ferron and i are just hanging out and the next we are crying. Me about the whole thing with dee, my sis, and last night michael might have od'ed. He called my house while i was crying so my mom took a message. Earlier yesterday i talked to him and basicly hung up on him because i was tired of hearing about brandon and the whole little drama. So i told him i would talk to him later. He called, my mom told me that he was at brandon's. So i found my cell phone (i don't know brandon's #, it is saved on my phone) and called him. When i called mic wasn't there. Brandon just sounded so..... distant, hopeless. He said that mic had just dropped him off and had said good bye and he was mad at everyone. He was called brandon, jan, savhana and i, all bitches. So i went into my usual panic. I told brandon that mic loved him. Brandon already knew. I called michael. He sounded exactly like brandon but a little woozy. I could tell he was on something. He was so out of it. He told me that he had taken 4 tylonal pms but he had 50 more. god i just cried. i told him that i loved him. i told him that i told brandon. i don't know if he'll ever speak to me. i just told brandon because i was scared for his life.
i don't know if dee and i are still friends right now. i never see her, her classes are all during the night on weekdays so she stays in a town 30 miles away, with her boyfriend. Ok he is 28, she's 19 and i'm 16. Last year we became really close when she was an exchange student and i was a freshmen. about the same social statius. this year she came back with a scholarship from the local community collage. we thought she would be living with us. my parents go to that town ever day to work. she would go down with them go to class and come back up. well the classes she needed to take were all at night. my parents couldn't stay to give her a ride so she stayed at her friend's (now bf) house. she comes here on thursday nights, we hang out that night, then the next day i go to school she washes her laundry and then jesse picks her up for a date. this doesn't happen every fri night but just go with it. he picks her up, she totally forgets that we were planning to do stuff. she goes back home with him and i don't see her until the next thursday. when she gets back we hang out, she says how she misses hanging out (she always says it) and i decide that i don't want to be lonely on friday night so i go out with my other friends and she gets offended. and leaves with her boyfriend. it is a vicous cycle. there is more but i just can't bare it right now i'll write more later
marie jane