Fighting the Current

BONZAI!

I finally have my very own bonzai tree, a small something juniper. Very happy about that... I hope I can keep it alive. This means I finally have a living plant in my room. Going-out-of-business sales usually make for good bargains. Granted, my favorite ones were... let's just say REALLY out of my price range.

Anyway, we had a pretty metal plant-stand in the basement, so I brought that upstairs and it fits perfectly in the corner. Only problem now is that I have something like thirty displaced National Geographics.

Reading another Gaiman book. American Gods.

Why do I rarely act? Am I just a coward? Do I over-analyze things? Do I feel that time does not pass or that things will blow over?

...Or is it better when I do nothing and let things come to their ends and their beginnings?

"And I'm haunted
By the lives that I have loved,
And actions I have hated.
I'm haunted
By the promises I've made
And others I have broken..." - "Haunted," Poe

I want to tell myself it's not my fight... but it is... and it's not... ::sigh::

"I go... wild when the waves start to break
And God knows they're breakin' in me now.
I go wild because it doesn't make sense
For me to cry out in my own defense,
Wild because I'd do anything to tear you off your precious fence
So this is what it's like living in limbo..." - "Wild," Poe

Chills late in the day today, not sickness ones.

To paraphrase my brother: "Do you go to a retirement home for your senior prom?" ::groan::

Spontaneous, seemingly causeless pains all day. Arms, neck, temples, headaches, legs, stomach, throat, etc. One that kept really bothering me in my side. My mom forbade me from getting appendicitis when I told her.

Clenching my jaw as I write. Too many separate and conflicting thought trains at once. Anxiety, fear, worrying about others, excitement, hopelessnes, hopefulness...

It would be nice if I could trust my eyes.

Apparently, dogs go into REM sleep... I'm watching my dog's eyes (he didn't shut them all the way) as he sleeps. He keeps moving his nose like he's sniffing and working his jaw like he's chewing.

It is really, really weird when people's minds work on the same wavelength. Not quite like-minds, not so precise, just parallel tracks.

"Absolute power corrupts absolutely." Now there's a random quote for you. No idea why I remembered that one. Is that from "The Lathe of Heaven"?

At least I have little homework to do this weekend. I want to finish that book (I'm only a third of the way through it, but I want to finish it) and maybe do some of the SAT stuff from that website. I don't know what Sunday will bring, or if I'll actually get around to doing anything I mean to.