trapped in a soap opera

perk

perk just called a while ago to say that he still has a few hours till he gets home--knowing that he still wasnt in clarksville at 7pm and his ability to talk for hours i assumed as much. he wanted to know if i was going to be up for a while. he sounded really bad about like i was the other day. He said that he really doesnt think it would be a good idea to stay by himself tonight--not exatly sure what that means, just that if hes not feeling better by the time he gets home, that ill be staying over there tonight. I would say id be talking for a while, but just like most men i know--hell be alseep pretty quick LOL. if i wanted to be a bitch i could not go, cause he wasnt around the other night when i was upset, but thats just not me. i guess ill spend the rest of my life putting myself out to be there for ppl that dont return the favor. to be fair i didnt come out and ask him to come over the other day cause he was really stressed and tired, but sometimes i wish ppl would just do thing without me having to ask. they generally dont have to ask me, i generally pick up on it. but i guess that talent of mine is both a blessing and a curse, and i shouldnt expect everyone to have it. i cant let him lay there alone tonight and suffer, because i know that feeling all too well--its the longest most painful moments of life. Kind of like the whole attempted rape thing--the act itself wasnt what fucked me up--it was the fact that my b/f broke up with me, and that i had no one for almost 3 days afterward--i was completely alone. cliff was supposed to come get me to stay at his house, but i messed up the directions and he didnt hypothesize what i meant when i said the wrong street name--so i was alone with my thoughts for days. arthur and i had just split (sort of) and he was in OKC for the weekend so i had no way to get anywhere. i went in the back room (that was trashed anyway some of the paneling was falling down and the window was broken) and spray painted things on the walls. pretty much just what i said earlier about im always there for everyone else, but then when i have problems theyre too busy or too tired or whatever.

anyway i guess i need to get to studying for this stupid legal environment of business test that i have tomorrow--employment law--yippee!
later