The Very Secret Diary of Circe

Appearances

I'm feeling suicial.

Again.

I was fingering my athame wondering how hard I'd have to press to draw blood. My arms are all bloodied bacause I've started the cutting again. I'm not even sure why or exactly when I started again. I hadn't done it for so long and then suddenly I just pick up the long needle and tried.

We don't have any panadol left in the house. Probably a good thing as this stage. I might try that again.

I couldn't stop joking about killing myself with Danika. I think I was freaking her out really. Sh's logged off now and even though I know I'm not the reason it still feels like I am.

Why do I have to feel this way? These horrible black pits that just suck me into them when I least expect it. There wasn't even anything that triggered it off this time.

I can't remember the last time I was like this. It was age ago. Wait, I can remember. The teacher was yelling at me and I went down to the bush hating myself and wanting to die.

I can see my reflection in the mirror and it disgusts me. I hate that girl. So much that I sometime want her to die. Like now. And when she cries I hate her more. She's ugly and foul and everyone hates her.

The athame is still sitting in front of me. I don't have the strength to move it away. I barely have the energy to move my fingers to type.

I have to finish my homework before tomorrow but, really, who gives a fuck? It's not like any of it matters. Nothing matters.

I'll proabaly be dead bafore Uni anyway.

Lilith give me your strength. Seth don't let me kill myself. I'll feel better tomorrow. I always do. Don't let me kill myself.

The pain will be gone in the morning.

Fuck, I hate me. I can't see how anyone could like me. My friends are probably all looking for the easiset way to get rid of me.

Circe, I need you. Please Goddess, hear me. I'm so alone right now. The knife is sitting there and it would be so easy. Please don't let me kill myself!

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"Begone, if you be not deathless! For living or dark undead, I will smite you, if you touch him."-Eowyn -RotK

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"Sam will kill me if I try anything..."

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