trapped in a soap opera

wating for the results

well we're all impatiently waiting for the results of perks paternity test he tood a few weeks ago. they supposedly sent it out mon, and its not here as of today. Actually i guess everyone else is impatiently waiting. i know perk, and i know that the best thing for me to do is just hang with him right now, then when it comes in, leave it up to him to talk to me. he was gone to check the mail for like 5 min and ashley was worried about him so she called. i was like just leave him alone. i know him--he needs time to figure things out, then he'll talk about it. im actually kind of glad that gary is gone this week, because perk really needs me this week and it would be hard to juggle the both of them. this way i get to devote the whole week to him. theyre both deserting me this weekend though. gary will still be gone, and perk is going to memphis to matts bachelor party.

last night was interesting to say the least, perk and i got drunk, and started talking about our relationship such as it is. he told me that we had been in one before whether we admitted it or not, and that he had to step away from it cause he really wanted it to be more, and it couldnt. he said that he had taken me for granted, and had really missed being around me so much. i pretty much agreed with him. he figured out that it was gary that im dating. we talked about it a little i pretty much told him the truth. at one time i wanted to be with him a lot, but i realized it couldnt happen, so i stepped away too, and started allowing myself to do other things. about that time i met gary, and went for it. its not like gary was a second choice, its just that i had moved on the next step in my life and he just happened to get in on it. i love perk, and he loves me, and what i said to him last night was true--what we have kind of transcends anything else we may get into. not that ill put him above say a husband or somthing--well maybe i would i dont know, but ill always love him in my own weird way--partly friendship, partly romantically--its really impossible to explain what i mean. i also told him that i didnt ever want to think that just cause im dating gary now that im just using him for his skill in bed or whatever--its just different. i really just cant explain why i have no problem with being with both of them, or what im even trying to say so i guess ill just leave it at that.