trapped in a soap opera

ok screw the male species

this night has majorly sucked. gary is still gone and still hasnt called me, if he doesnt call me on mon im going to be supremely pissed. i remember a night (of course he was kinda drunk) when he said "its nice when people call you when they say they will." ok where is that when im bored off my ass. perk im sure is having a lot of fun in memphis at the bachelor party without me. i wouldnt be as pissed if AJ hadnt got to go--shes a girl isnt she. let me make a bet with myself i guess id be a hundred times more fun at a strip club than she would be. who cares if shes been one of the guys for a while--im am the ultimate "one of the guys" there is no one that is better at it than me in their little circle of shitheads--im even more one of the guys than some of the guys that went. stupid fucks. ok so im pissed at men in general--oh well.someone has tried to call from a 402 area code like 3 times--i dont even know where that is--i tried to look it up but couldnt find it. probably a calling card probably also my lil bro. hes moving here this weekend. dammit im sittin here eatin peperroni and olives LOL oh well.

tonight at the moose should i even get into it?? went there to try to celebrate my birthday on my own. ended up there with a total of $5 to my name, that equals 2 beers, i got jodi to buy me a drink but otherwise i dont tend to do that kind of thing--but i figure as much as ive had to put up with his drunk ass that he owed me one. anyway, hell i was even talking to blaine--it was horrible. there was the weird guy from down the street there, a guy that tried to hit on me at the store that i was hoping wouldnt find the place, the two guys i fucked right after roy and i broke up (who just happened to ask me--do i know you--dammit) i was just sitting there hoping they didnt remember. ok who else--some dumbass trying to convince me that he wasnt hitting on me but he was. i had a really bad night. there was a semi cute guy but he was a dork and couldnt dance and kept trying to dance with me--then asked if i ever smiled--i felt like saying "yeah when theres someone here worth smiling at" but we all knwo me and i cant be a bitch. dammit i wish gary was in town i wish i could have had a good time at my early birthday celebration--but no, and who knows until mon if im even speaking to him. but ya know what even if he doesnt i probably still will cause im a sucker, and hes cute and i have a weakness for him for some reason even though sometimes he embarrasses the shit out of me.

hell i think im just going to go to my room and masturbate, since there is no one here to do it for me (like you wanted to know but this is my journal dammit)