trapped in a soap opera

why im not writing

well this pretty much sums it up--one, im addicted to playing pyramids on yahoo games--but thats not the main reason. the main reason is just that this journal is mainly a place to vent and i just dont give a fuck about a whole lot right now. tired of talking about perk and gary (by the way that kinda died out though we still talk sometimes). im talking to a guy now--goob--yeah thats a stupid nickname...hes not too bad but im just tired of this whole game. not looking for anything. i think im just going get a vibrator when i go to ft smith this weekend and say fuck it (unless i find something i really want). like i said im just tired of all of it. tired of stupid men (though i still like to hang out with them--and im going to miss the hell out of kissing them) and the drama that goes with it. tired of wanting to go home with someone but cant cause of my "double birth control problem" so just fuck it i think. its better this way anyway--much safer. oh well, maybe i can just hang out and kiss echo LOL--i never see her anymore though and every time i do she ends up almost trying to rape me he he. not really but im just fucking around and shes serious. was goign to try to stop by in little rock on fri and see chad, keith, and meredith but cant get ahold of K & M and chad will be in florida on vacation so i guess its 3 days in ft smith. oh well its not batesville. anyway im going ot bed its like 5 in the morning and i have to get up eventually tomorrow to get my check before the meeting at 4. besides i cant stay up too long--im out of cigarettes.
later