My Life

another night.

Well i;ve writen somthing long again. but decided not to post it here. Today was a day spent for me no one was near, nor able to get ahold of me. I did answer one person she knows who she is. But that was it. Only due to the fact all i think about are good things. And would put a smile on my face. I think about all the times i would drive and i would be listening to lifehouse, a perfect circle, staind, tantric, creed, nickelback, etc. when i would drive to see her. I remember stay up late at night at a computer sing each other to sleep or in our arms. These are just some of what stands out most when i hear her voice and this is why i smile. Things i miss when you have someone near that loves/cares. Well today i played my guitar like i havn;t played it in so long and for some reason im starting to enjoy it again. I mostly stayed home sing to my self and playing. Or step out on the balcony and just stare at the sky and play. I think finialy im able to let go again. I hope this is my ass getting back to wear i need to be or climbing this ladder of life but im unsure. Im now complete and able to say i have put most of my past behind me but still able to reflect on it to see the future curves. Whatever they may be. Only one things stands in my way of pure acceptance and putting my past behind me. And i fear it but it must be done. We will see, i dont want any of my past catching up with me so i will decide soon or do nothing not sure. but i believe this will complete me and make me whole again to be able to love/trust again. ohh also side note, crager saw amanda at wendy;s and says shes with her new dude going to purto rico. lol GOOD RIDINS! lol FAR AWAY! Peace don;t write. Might be harsh, but tierd of all the same b.s. a gal that can;t be faithful. Parties. Younger. I need to listen to myself more often and just say know but i guess im a dumbass. But who know and who cares. Sure as hell i dont know, and who cares i guess whom ever is next to step into my life. Either way i hope to keep my life as plain as possiable no big stories or anything near it NO DRAMA! Maybe a little bit but not a shit load like its been. Well next saterday or this saterday the 12 i believe it is. Its Chris b-day time to party with the rich folk :) , they good friends of mine. and glad i met these people, just gota warn kristen no match makeing shes a tricky devil but a good heart. Get to see kevin again, leeha, kris, chris, everyone going to try to get the south side people to show up and show the northsiders how its done ;) Gary just finished this quarter of this school and his grandparents are staying in this room so hes kinda out of a place to sleep and so he called saying sorry ive been a stranger but i had to study and what not and hell be out with me this weekend cause we called him the past 2+ weeks and nothing. Hes going to stay the night here for a while due to no comfortable bed to sleep in so i might just have to setup another computer in the other room for him to be able to fuck off. Lan line all the computers. >:) Crager and i still have to go to take more picters for MTI customer apprication. to bad i didn;t get mti to do mine and we could have the twins on there. but ohh well. lol this still turned out long but i guess i just always have somthing raceing threw my head. ohh school starts in two weeks if i ever finish with this damn registering for school. god damn is it repative. it makes me sick its like you give me the run around on a car when i want to go to school its as simple as pay go. or so i thought then its old school records etc. b.s. to me but it has to be done. oppps also hope to get to work with laurence personal trainer will get me making the money i used to at shell so well see. but have to play with the hours due to school still trying to finialize everything'



Well i leave with this lyrics tonight, not thoughts:
This goes out to the gal i;ve been talking to almost everynight. I think about us at the park when i hear this i hope you do to. So Smile lifes to short to be sad and mad.


I'm finding my way back to sanity again
Though I don't really know what
I'm gonna do when I get there
And take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back to the arms of grace


Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be yeah
Where I want to be


I'm looking past the shadows
In my mind into the truth
And I'm trying to identify
The voices in my head
God, which one's you
Let me feel one more time
What it feels like to feel
And break these calluses off of me
One more time


Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me
Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing
Is where I want to be yeah


I don't want a thing from you
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off of your table to the ground
Cause I just want to be here now