Life in it's own way

Butterflies

Excitement, hyperactivity, happiness, tears, stress, fear, unable te sleep, music of the past, stomach ache, butterflies..
Different emotions, feelings, thoughts leaving me confused.
Now don't get me wrong, I didn't go back to feeling depressed again, oh no, I still feel kind of good actually, but strange too.
Am I in love? Or am I making myself feel like I'm in love without actually being in love? Would I still feel this way about this person if I would actually get him? Would I still have these feelings? Do these feelings actually apply to him? Am I making sense?

I can really understand that the more people read about me, read what I ramble every once in a while, the less the understand of me.
The more I think about myself, the less I understand myself..
Love is in the air everywhere these days, and makes me wonder more and more if I'll ever be able to have a normal relationship.
I had a great guy. He loved me so much, and I thought I loved him in return, but getting him, having him already changed it all, and the longer we were together, the more he started to annoy me. For no good reason. He hadn't changed, I'm not even sure if I had changed, but my feelings for him had.
I've always had this, also with normal friends I used to really want close friends, and I used to have them, but as close as I (thought I) wanted them to get, the minute they got that close, they started to annoy me. For a while I even thought I was so anti-social that I would end up all alone, not being able to live together with other people in a normal way.
I can keep my friends now. I have some very close friends, who I love very much, and yes sometimes I get tired of them, but I guess they get tired of me too every once in a while.
My point is, that that has changed, I can keep my friends now, I don't have that urge to break up our friendship, break free anymore when they get too close, maybe one day that'll happen with guys too.
Hopefully one day I'll be ready to commit myself to a relationship, to not give up the minute things aren't all great anymore, to actually share my life with someone.
Right now I'm scared of getting involved with someone, afraid of ending up hurting them because I'm just not quite there yet, not quite ready..
I need to stop thinking I guess, stop analyzing, start living, start feeling, start listening to my heart..
Right?

(please people do enter something in my GB if you recognize this, or have an advice... you can find the link above under journal discribtion...)

"I'll ride the trail till the stars turn pale
And camp at the break of dawn
Nobody will know which way I'll go
They'll only know I'm gone."