Journal

i miss my friend

In english we have to write a couple college enterence essays and one of them was about the neighborhood that you grew up in. I started thinking back, and got really deeply into memory mode, and i suddenly remembered something that brings tears to my eyes. I played lots of baseball in an empty lot across from our old house, I lived on the Navajo Indian Reservation. There were huge red rocks about a 1/4 mile behind the empty lot. The rocks are probably more then 150 high, and people would hike up there to see the beautiful view. One day, when my friends and i were playing we heard this long yell by the rocks, and someone fell. I can't rememer how much longer we waited shocked there, until an ambulance sped through our game. I had just seen a man kill himself. Holy crap, i didn't really remember this until now. God, it's so horrible that scream just keeps echoing in my mind. No, wait, thats my dumb brid. But still, what else am I not remembering?

When I remembered I was shocked, I came home for Lunch with my friends and I mentioned that I just remembered that I had seen a man kill himself. There was a shocked slience, then we went on as if i had said nothing. But a couple minutes later alicia said "jeeze you have seen some really messed up things haven't you?" well I guess i have.

Today the teacher I aide for in fourth hour was gone and when i saw michael in the hall talking with brandon, I made him come and talk to me for a while. First of all he looks like crap. His hair is long and shaggy, he has lost too much weight, he pirced his eyebrow, and he just looks tired and worn. He told me that his parents had thrown him out of his house 3 days ago, and him and brandon had found an apartment together. He said he couldn't find a job and he was broke. He's staying at andrew's house right now, this druggie guy, and he claims that he has been clean for 2 weeks. He told me that he was just on his way to go sign up for classes at our local com. college. apperently brandon is now living with his new gf, who has a 4 month old baby, yeah, messed up. So the 4 of them are planning on getting this appartment and living together, possibly with andrew. He told me that although he is clean right now, one of his friend's from phoenix is going to be helping him out by giving him a couple sheets of acid. To sell. He thinks that this will be a good way to make a quick buck and it will be totally safe. God!!!!!!! I felt like screaming at him! I told him what i have told him literally thousands of times "get away from brandon," but apperently i just don't know anything. He was just like "falll la la, i'm going to tell her all this and just move on," I don't know what to do, should I just let him go and make mistakes? Should i try to talk some sense into him? I just don't know, he claimed that there were no jobs anywhere, but i have seen "Help wanted" signs everywhere! He is making excuses and I am not sure why.

I miss having dee as a friend. I don't know how this feeling came about but I don't know what to do. Should i talk to her again? she was my best friend, and i think i hurt her terribly when i told her i didn't want to be around her anymore. but will she respond the same if i were to ask her if we could start over as friends again??