what matters and why

miscommunication

I thought that at this time, a time of miscommunication and misunderstanding taht it would be easy to fall back into a pattern of wanting something esle. I assumed you would be the first I'd call. And that it would be dangerous. Instead I'm only lonely. Never have I been so alone. I feel like one enormous failure in everything I have attempted in this life. My failures are couuntless. College, careers, relationsihps, and now the one thing that's been sacred to me all this time. The one relationship that has always been intact is now slipping through my fingerss. And if and when this would happen I would have assumed new doors would open adn a new life would begine. And it would just fall into place. Just like that. Of course not in reality. In reality I am all alone and nothing has ever been worse for me.I'm not reaching out though not like I thought I would in a time of need liket his.All this failure behind me what oculd possibly be succesful for me in my furture. What coullld ever be good again I wonder. I don't know now. It's scary wehn you've depended on someone your entire life. It's really scary to be alone. Something I always tought I wanted. What do I want, really? He doesn't understand. Who would?I have never really had to work for anythign. NOw stress nothing. It's all been given to me. Everyhting I could have ever asked for. Why shoul I not be happy with what's right here. I don't worry about the car or insurance payment. It's just all done for me.