Sarah's Life

Foresight or the lack thereof

Isn't it interesting how online journals can get you to type things that you wouldn't ordinarily tell people. And then when those people read your journal you realize exactly why you wouldn't have told them in the first place because they would have totally misunderstood what you were saying? But the funiest things of all are when you could have sworn you'd marked that entry "private" so that the rest of the world couldn't have read it.

And it's even funnier when before you can fix it, the person you specifically DIDN'T want reading it, reads it and it fucks things up.

"Rescue me from this black hole that's sucked me and left me dying" - Stabbing Westward

I really should just put that to private now, but what's the point? Maybe it was a subconscious thing where I realized that it was probably what was best in the end since he's obviously feeling tied down by me on some level (and yes, Cody, I do still think that's what the true meaning of that dream is). The best thing is that only TWO people read that entry and I know who both of them are and I know that no one I don't know reads this journal. And if they do, I'd be surprised to hear from them. So this really is just as though it's private and only a few people read it. It makes no difference. I might as well just use this as a convenient way to send mass messages about my life. It's not like anyone would really understand the true message anyway. That's what journals are for. I tried making it private and I got yelled at. I was told that I needed to let Cody keep reading it because it kept him connected to me. And a few others said the same. So I made it public again, and now Cody yells at me once more.

SO FUCK IT.

It's staying public. Because if it's public I get bitched at about wanting to spread my life across the internet (which, btw, isn't happening to the extent he'd love to believe it was. I know no one gives a shit about what is going on in my life unless they know me and enjoy over analizing my journal entries as being exact thoughts and not just quick emotional ramblings). If it's private I get yelled at for cutting people out of my life.

And I'd rather just not go through the effort to have it private. It's so much easier deal with when public.

So Cody, give it up. I know you're hurt, I know you'd like to think I'm upset and never wanting to talk to you again, but you know what? Even though I'm kinda pissed about the whole thing where you try to undermine my opinions of the guys I'm dating (and let's not get into this argument, you know me well enough to know that I won't let something die if you hint at it and then say you won't tell me when it deals ONLY with me), that doesn't meant that I don't still consider you my best friend, it doesn't mean I've pulled down the picture of you I have by my bed, and it doesn't mean when people ask me about that picture that I don't tell them that you're my best friend. BECAUSE YOU ARE. Everyone has their issues, and I sure as hell have mine, but I still trust you more than I trust myself and I still want to hear your opinions even if they are based in the fact that you barely know someone. Get over yourself. I still love ya.




"If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time, or the tools, to write." - Stephen King

"Forbidden fruits create jams" - Chuch sign saying

"What a strange path I took to find my heart" - Crime and Punishment in Suburbia

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **