Life as we know it sucks

At least I made someone happy

Current Mood: deeply saddened

Current Music: Right Thurr - Chingy

Last Thursday was the first time I wanted to cut myself.




Yesterday I decided that I believe him. Fully. That's the moment of realization for this month. I believe that he will not forsake me. For one, he told me he wouldn't. And another, his mother was talking about us being married and how I'll have to put up with all his crazy outbursts. Oh don't worry - I've gotten used to it. He is the greatest guy I've ever dated.




Why am I so stressed out? It seems that every fucking day I am crying or moping about something. I mean: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME? Stress kills. Don't I know this? Don't people know that school stresses kids out? Don't people know that parents stress kids out? I mean, how much can one take from someone yelling at them all the time as if it was their fault that something happened??





The only good thing out of all this shit I've been putting up with the last 4 weeks is the fact that when I watched home movies I saw my daddy again. No one understands how much I miss him. No one . . . but Shane. He lost his dad and I lost mine . . . He understands. He knows. But he didn't know his dad. I knew mine. So, there. It splits. His mom watched the home movies with us also. She said my mother and my daddy were complete opposites. Yea, I know. And I kept asking: why does he keep filming me doing stupid things . . . and his mom said something that made me want to cry. "It's because that's what made him happy." I made my daddy happy? That is the greatest compliment ever.




(At least I made someone happy.)

--------------------------------------------
but i threw you the obvious,
just to see if there's more behind you.
eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy
but i see,
see through it all.
see through, see you