Sarah's Life

Insepid negativity

I don't get the mentality of the people around here.

"Let's go to Kareoke! It will be fun"

Later, at kareoke...

"I don't want to preform, I'll make a fool of myself."

WTF!? What's the point of going to something if you're not going to participate? If you go to a game, you cheer, if you drive half an hour to go up to a festival, you bloody well don't stand around in the street while the festival is going on around you talking and NOT JOINING IN. If there's a bonfire and everyone is dancing around it, do you just stand around and watch? Do you at least bother to sway to the beat? Or do you stand in the back and just chat with your small group and ignore the entire proceedings? I don't get it. If I go to something I expect that I'll jump into it, but does that EVER FUCKING HAPPEN?? no. Because while everyone is being negative about it they don't realize that I'm sitting there saying to myself "come on, if just ONE of you would bother to join in with me this might actually be fun." But they don't. And I don't see the point in standing up and doing something if the people I went with don't also participate. That's what sucks around here - everyone expecting others to do the participating for them. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY. Tonight was a perfect example. "Well, we're getting started here in a few minutes, if anyone wants to go just bring your slips of paper up with your song". No one moves. Everyone in the crowd is murmuring "I don't want to go first." Hell yeah, I'd go first... If a single one of the people who volunteered to go with me would actually say "Ok, go turn in the slip" when I asked them if they were ready. Instead, "Well, I'm not sure I want to now, I think I'd rather just watch others sing."

OH! and when I ask this illustrious group what the point of going to kareoki is?? "To watch other people sing" WTF? I thought the point was to actually have fun and maybe participate yourself. The whole way down there they were talking about wanting to sing. The second we get there... "Oh, I don't want to."

FUCKERS.

I'm sick of the insepid negativity. If we're going to dinner, the food sucks. If we're sitting around, they're bored. If we go to the volleyball games (WHICH btw, we're basically dragged to by the twins), the twins complain about the benches. If we go to movie night the movie isn't one they want to see (though we've had the schedule for weeks and weeks). If we go to Denver they complain about the size of it (HELLO?! It's a city, of course it's big), or they complain about the trip (they've known both trips that it will be at least a three hour drive), or they complain about the time spent (again, something we accounted for in the first place). If we're bloody walking across campus to get to the union or the cafeteria, the walk is to far. If we bloody do ANYTHING it isn't good enough for them. It's like they're set on not enjoying anything.

BUT HERE'S MY FAVORITE ONE: The twins CONSTANTLY talk about how much better things were in the canyon. Cally complains about the weather (hello? the major selling point of this college is the snow... if you talk to ANYONE they tell you how cold it gets). Both of them constantly talk about how much prettier the canyon was, how much nicer it was down there, and they constantly say that if x person were around it would be so much more fun, etc. If they wanted to be around them so much, why didn't they bloody well go to the school nearest them? I mean, I love both of them and I'm glad Kara is my roommate, but it gets exhausting after a while. It's like they refuse to adjust to life up here because they'd rather be stuck back in highschool.

And every time I walk out of something that they dragged me to, I get labled as the loner. As the person that doesn't want to participate. As the negative one. If they could only listen to themselves for ONCE. They have no idea how exhaustive it is to sit there and try to have fun while they're doing nothing but bashing the whole proceedings. Eventually you just get sick of it all and decide to walk out because I sure as hell don't get the point of sitting there and trying to have fun while they're bitching and moaning and tyring to bring you down.

why bother going in the first place? Maybe I just need to get to know other people. I kinda snagged onto this group because it was so convenient. But I've never been good at that and there's no real hangouts like I'd usually go to in Denver. Damnit I miss Denver. At least there I knew where my group stood. I could count on being able to see Jeremy when I really needed it, instead of counting down the days to the next weekend when I'll be down there or he'll be up here and I'm FUCKING SICK OF IT ALL.

I want to be home, which is paradoxical because I love everything about this school except the fact that it's so far away from the people I really care about. And I'm trying to get people up here, but I can't depend on this group for shit. They're not really good at the listening thing (They like to take things off into their own issues or just tell you to fucking get over it), and that's if they're even around half the time.

I miss home. I miss being able to have people to go to. And now it costs me, albeit alot less than others up here thanks to my cell phone, to even talk to them. OH, and the cell phone is an issue in and of itself. On weekends they're all over it because they can call people for free, but the rest of the time they like to proudly proclaim "Cell phones suck" and insult me for having it all the time. My "leash" has become more like a fucking choke chain around this group, an easy way to blatantly insult me. At least with the insulting of my real group of friends I knew it was just playful, but half the time up here you know it's honest and direct and they fucking mean it.

Fuckers.

And I don't even know where the good hiking places are around here so I can't just take off and hike until I get to a calmer, happier place. Which sucks.

*sigh*


"If you don't have the time to read, you don't have the time, or the tools, to write." - Stephen King

"Forbidden fruits create jams" - Chuch sign saying

"What a strange path I took to find my heart" - Crime and Punishment in Suburbia

"Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first." - Mark Twain

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