For Blaine

Calmed Down

Blaine,
I feel calmer today and will give you time to work and to think. Yesterday was a very hard day as I was feeling attacked at every angle because of who I am as a person.

Some people in one community I was a member of wanted to see me make drastic changes over a short period of time. I am not ready to make the changes at the moment though because change sends me in to an emotional tailspin.

These people have made life-changing decisions and they think that just because they can make them everyone should be able to make them. The one thing they forget is that they have never truly been in my shoes.

Their experiences maybe similar but they may have had a tad more of this and a dash more of that. I am not sure but whatever it is we are not from the same mold. My reactions from past events created who I am today. The events that shape today will help create my future.

I also do not do things just because someone else has done something. I am an independent thinker and have to make my own decisions when I am ready to make them. Quick rash decisions have always gotten me in trouble in the past have always gotten me in trouble before. When the time comes I will know when it is right for me tomake the decision to pick myself up and do something about my situation.

I will know the time when it is right and feels right. It is not as if my hubby now is hurting me physically and I have been through much mental abuse it hardly hurts anymore. Or if it does hurt I can cope for a few more years before I snap.

Blaine with the help of you and others like you I hope to get myself to the poiunt where my self-esteem matches my actual strength.

Loves and hugs !!!!