football is murder

Football Is Murder

Thinking about it now, it’s actually pretty funny. Well at least I thought it was funny, I don’t think the other guy thought it was so funny. Enough of my rambling on, let me tell you my story.

My name is Norman Johnson. I was a cop in the NYPD for 15 years until my story happened. It was 5 years ago, the year 2003. It was a Sunday and I was off duty, so I figured, why not drive down to Giants stadium and enjoy a nice football game between the Jets and the Giants. It was Mid-November and the weather was perfect. The sky was blue and there was not a cloud in sight for miles. It was going to be an enjoyable and pleasant game. But I was wrong, you can’t imagine how wrong I was.

I went to the ticket counter and asked for a seat center field, upper deck. As I’m getting my ticket someone tapped me on the shoulder. Crap! It was an ex- football player of mine. Oh, I forgot to tell you that I also coached football at the local high school. Just my luck, the player that happens to bump into me is none other than the senior linebacker I had cut the previous week for use of cocaine. This guy was one terrifyingly large mofo. Let me tell you this, this guy scares me more than he does the team’s he’s playing against and that’s saying something.
“Coach, What’s up?”
“Jimmy, is that you? How’s it going?”
“Let’s not play stupid Norman. I don’t like you or care about how you’re doin’ more than you do for me.”
He roughly pushed past me and said to the ticket guy, “I’ll take the seat next to that guy.” He pointed at me. Great, I knew this would be an experience that I wouldn’t forget.

Ten minutes later I walked to my seat and sat down next to my former player. I did not know at the time that he had a conversation with the people around us. The Giants kicked off to the Jets and the game was underway. It was a very sloppy one. Fumbles, interceptions, bad passes. It was ugly. But after halftime the game was about to change, not the football game, that only got worse but my game.

Since our brief conversation at the ticket counter myself and Jimmy hadn’t talked. Then very suddenly at the start of the 3rd quarter he leaned over to me and whispered into my ear, “I have something to tell you.”
“What is it Jimmy?”
“You ruined my life.”
“You ruined your own life.”
“Because of you my scholarship was taken away. I will not be playing football next year at FSU. Instead I will probably be mopping floors at the local grocery for who knows how long. You had to tell everybody didn’t you. You couldn’t just leave it alone could you? What you did to me was unforgivable. You forced me to do what I’m about to do Norman. You have nobody to blame but yourself.”
I shifted uneasily in my seat.
“What do you mean? What are you going to do?”
He smiled an evil smile and unzipped his jacket. Several sticks of dynamite where strapped to his chest. My heart beat faster. This kid was out of his mind. He was really taking this badly.
“Don’t scream and don’t move.”
He zipped up his jacket and removed a small remote. It had a ten digit code and an arm, cancel, and a detonate button.
“Coach, my life ain’t worth jack anymore. I’m goin’ down coach, and you’re comin’ with me. But while you didn’t give me a chance I’m goin’ to give you one. Me and you, we disagreed on a lot of things. One of things we disagreed on was football teams. You always with you Giants. Me, I always said that the Jets were the real team of New York. Right now the score is tied 7-7. The 4th quarter is about to begin, and I’m goin’ to make you a deal. If the Giants win the game I’ll let you walk out of this stadium unhurt, and I’ll go home and we’ll both forget that this ever took place. But if the Jets win: Boom. I’ll see you in the after-life.”
“You’re insane!”
“Maybe.”
He typed in the ten digit code and pushed the arm button. I heard a beep and knew that this could only end in disaster.
“No moving or talking or we go boom.”

I leaned back in my chair and my breathing became heavier. Then it hit me, how could I have been so stupid. I had my gun in my pocket. I decided I would only use it if it became absolutely necessary to do so. Jimmy looked at me and he knew.
“Don’t even think about reachin’ for that gun. Put your hands on your lap and sit still or we go…”
“Boom. I know.”

I looked around something just wasn’t right. People have to have heard or seen what was going on. Yet they looked zoned out as if trying to ignore what was taking place around them. With 1:00 left in regulation the giants were driving down field, the score was still tied 7-7. It was looking good, the Giants had the ball on the Jets 30 and it looked like they were going to try to win the game with a field goal. But then suddenly things took a turn for the worst. With 3 seconds left in regulation the Giants line up to kick a field goal. Jimmy’s hand was fingering the remote. He was half watching the game and half watching me, still with that stupid grin on his face. The ball was snapped; the punter grabbed the football and placed it on the ground. The kicker ran up and kicked the ball with everything he had. Blocked. It was blocked. A jet player grabbed the football and raced with it down field. The crowd erupted. He scored. The clock now read 00:00. It was over, and so was my life. Jimmy stood up and turned to me. I was screaming to the people around me to get down, that he had a bomb. I saw it in slow motion. He pushed the detonate button. The people around us were suddenly silent. I heard the beep-beep-beep-beep. I wet my pants. Then suddenly he screamed Bang!! My heart almost jumped out of my chest. He started laughing. Uncontrollable laughter. The people round us started laughing also.
“You’re in on it. You were all in on it!?!”
“Coach I’m upset, I ain’t crazy.”
“I’ll show you crazy!!!” I yelled.
I pulled out my gun from it holster and fired once. The bullet entered through his forehead and lodged somewhere in the middle of his brain. I had just killed a man in front of 50,000+ witnesses. So where do you think I am now. Jail, naturally. And every time I think of that I just burst into uncontrollable laughter. I truly got the last laugh.

MZ