My True Soul

Going for it

I really haven't felt quite right the last few days. Well, nevermind I haven't felt quite right the last month. It kinda feels like I lost a chunk of my heart and I still can't scoop it back up and put it in place. And now I wonder if I can fill in what's left or if someone else could. Then there's that never ending quest to find the right person. Few people can evoke the strong feelings I had with Sarah...just at first even.
And perhaps, someone like Sarah would be wrong for me. So many things I really truly did like about her. And things that I always wanted and still want in someone. *sighs* I don't know. Perhaps she and I will end up together again in the end. Right now, I don't think that'd be best. I know I need mature, cause I sure as heck don't wanna hurt her anymore than I have already. And if it so happens we get another chance, I don't wanna screw it up.
Last night, was talking to a girl named Maggie... she's great, but... she even says some of the same things as Sarah. And she worships green apple soda - Sarah's the only person I've ever known to love it with the same intensity. Kinda spooky.
There are certain people I want to keep in my life - always. N somedays I wonder if Sarah is one of them, somedays I know she is. I think right now, I just am confused still.
I wonder somedays if I will ever make it through college, but...I don't plan on giving up. I wonder how I will find a job, but, I just figure there's not too much I can do about it now. What I do know is if I'm not happy personally, there's no way I will be otherwise.
And I wonder if I've ever stopped hating myself. I don't think I have. I think I have stopped blaming myself, but, I still hate myself... I realized that today.
So tonight, I plan on going to our bookstore n talking to this girl. Either I will make a total fool out of myself, I'll handle it well, or, yeah.. that's about all there is. She had on a rainbow necklace... very awesome... I don't know if she is bi or whatever. But, she was extremely nice and seemed laid back. Shorty agrees. *shrugs* Never know til you ask I suppose n if I make a fool out of myself, well then, won't be the first or last time. If I don't, then... yay! Blah blah.. blah blah, on and on and on. Woopie. Lily's going too, she'll kick my ass and shove me on.... =P
*n her stomach flips in circles*
Goodnight yas!
Here I go!