My Life

At least I didn't flush my keys!

I arrived home from work later than my son (of 15 years) thought I should have. It was 4:00 in the afternoon, and I was causing him to start home school studies late.

I ran through the door, emptied my arms, loaded the garbage into the trunk of my car and headed for the dumpster. Thinking I would unload, come back and start him on his Language Arts studies. Prepare dinner and move on as scheduled through the evening...but when I came back through the door, Josh informs me that my friend Dixie has called and would like me to call her back.

Now, Dixie had called me earlier in the day asking if she ever gave me a spare key to her car. I inform that she hadn't, why?

Dixie: Well, Sheena and I were running errands this afternoon and when we stopped for lunch, I accidentally flushed the keys down the toilet at the restaurant.

Me: How did you flush your keys down the toilet?

Dixie: It's a long story! Chris gave us a ride home. He is here and we are moving furniture and looking everywhere for the spare key, I know it's here somewhere.

Me: Let me know if I can do anything?

Dixie: OK, bye.

Well I was still trying to figure out how this scenario could actually take place, but got back to work ultimately forgetting the phone call.

When Josh told me she called, I figured it was to tell me she found the spare key. I called her back and Sheena answered.

Sheena: Hello?

Me: Hey Sheena, your mom called me?

Sheena: Yea she did.

Me: Well? What’s up?

Sheena: Well, its getting to be an expensive day.

Me: What’s going on?

Sheena: Let me just get my mom.

Me: OK.

Dixie: Hello?

Me: Hey, What’s up?

Dixie: Well, I couldn’t find the spare key, and I have a locksmith meeting me at the car in 20 minutes. Can you give us a ride over to where the car is?

Me: Sure, I'll be right there.

Time: 4:10pm

Josh wants to know how long I’ll be gone? I tell him it shouldn’t take long...famous last words...see if I ever say that again!!!

I pick Dixie and Sheena up and we go back to where the car is. We figure the locksmith will be there by 4:30. About 4:45 I ask Dixie if she had the number of the locksmith with her, so I could call them and find out the ETA. She informs me she had not brought it with her. "OK, do you know the name of the locksmith you called?" "No, I called so many."

I call my dear son, and ask him to get out the little Plano phone book and look up locksmiths in our area.

Dixie rememberes A-1. Ok we are getting somewhere now! "Josh look up the number to A-1 locksmith please." "Mom, is it A-1 like the steak sauce?" "Yes dear, do you see the number?" "Yea, I got it, are you ready?" "Yes dear, I’m ready." "OK, here it is." "Thanks Josh, I am going to call them and see what the hold up is. Hopefully it won’t be much longer." "OK Mom, I’ll see you in a little bit." "Ok Josh, love you bubi." "Love you too, bubi."

OK, now I am in business, I call the locksmith.

Time: 4:50pm

A-1: A-1 Locksmith, can I help you?

Me: I hope so! I am sitting here with Dixie Smith and the locksmith was supposed to meet us here at about 4:30.

A-1: Hang on and I will check.

Me: Thanks

A-1: We don’t have any information on a Dixie Smith.

Me: She called about 4:00, said she needed someone to help her open her car and asked how long it would take and asked how much? You told her you charged $40.00 and it would take about 20 minutes to get someone over to meet her at Country Burger.

A-1: Oh, we get those phone calls all the time.

Me: Excuse me?

A-1: Yea, but we don’t dispatch someone until we have all the details.

I look at Dixie, “Dixie, did you not tell them an address? Your name? Make and Model of your car?”

"Well no, I was just so frustrated, but now that you say that."

Me: Sorry A-1, we need someone to meet us here.

A-1: Where are you?

Me: Country Burger on 14th St. between Jupiter and ...

A-1: Ma’am, we need a physical address.

Me: OK, let me walk over here to the door and see if it is on the outside of the building. No, of course not! Hang on sir, I am walking inside. Oh, here is their health permit. The address is 1700 14th.

A-1: OK, Great...now what is the year and make and model of the car?

(am I in this much need of exercise?)

Me: Let me get back to my car and I will ask her, I know it is a Cougar but I am not sure of the year. "Dixie, what is the year of your car?" "2000." She says its a 2000.

A-1: OK, is that a Mercury?

Can I please smack someone here...Does anyone else make a Cougar??? THANK YOU!

Me: Yes sir, that is accurate.

A-1: And her name again is?

Me: Dixie Smith

A-1: And we need a contact number?

Me: Well here, let me give you my cell number.

A-1: We should have someone there in 30 to 40 minutes.

Me: Thank you... (God let it be 30 minutes, PLEASE?)

Time: 5:10pm

5:30 my dear son calls... "Mom, I am going to fix dinner now, OK?" "Yea Josh, That would be great. The locksmith should be here soon and then I’ll be right home." (YEA RIGHT!) "Ok mom, it will be ready." Thanks Josh." "Your welcome. Love you, bubi." "Love you too babe, bubi."

5:40 the locksmith arrives. (Thank you Lord for your promptness of 30 minutes) He proceeds to unlock the car (after the signatures and the money exchange has taken place.) The alarm sounds, the lights are blinking, and without the key that contains that all too important computer chip, the alarm and lights won’t stop. Well the alarm eventually did, but those flashing lights were going to be eternal.

I look at the side of his van and realize they make keys. I say to Dixie, "just ask him if they can make a key for this car so you don’t have to have it towed to the dealership and pay all those other fee’s."

She asks him and of course they can, I tell her to ask how much? "Well he says, that’s usually $195.00 but since you already paid to have us open the car, it will only be $165.00."

Awesome! $205.00 versus, paying $40.00 to have it unlocked so Sheena could get her purse out, $80.00 tow bill, $300.00 at the dealership. $205.00 is much better than $420.00 We’ll take it!

A-1: It will take him about 45 minutes to get here.

Me: No problem, we’ll wait! (Will I ever learn to keep my mouth shut?)

A-1: OK, its all set, they will be here in about 45 minutes.

Me and Dixie: Great thanks for all your help! Bye.

"I hope your battery doesn’t run down with those lights flashing constantly."

"No, it should be fine."

Time: 6:00pm

By now, I've finished off three .5 liters of Ozarka. I have got to use their facilities! I go in and come back out. I return to the car and inform Dixie that it's a good thing that all men are working in there tonight, because apparently someone has stopped up the commode and the gentlemen working haven’t realized it yet.

"Oh no, should I tell them?" I told her she probably should since they ate there all the time. She will call the manager tomorrow and settle the plumbing bill.

At 6:30 I called my dear son again. "Honey are you eating dinner yet?" "Not yet, it just cooled down enough for me to eat it." "OK, well save some for me." "Sure mom." "Love you bubi." "Love you too mom, bubi."

OK...this whole thing has been driving me crazy, still can’t fathom how one flushes their keys down a toilet...and since we obviously have nothing but time to kill.

"Dixie, can you tell me again exactly how this happened?"

"OK, Sheena and I had been running errands and we stopped in here to eat...they have the best garden salads..."AND"...oh, and I had to go to the bathroom first, so I ran in and used the bathroom. I stood up, reached behind me and flushed the toilet. Then started fastening my pants. I dropped the keys, they hit my hand, fell into the toilet and I dived in to catch them but wooosh, they were gone." I am rolling laughing..."You dived for them?" "Yea, I stuck my whole hand up as far as it would go and I just couldn’t catch them."

Sheena is dying laughing in the back seat, I am pretty torn up as well. Sheena’s like, "Gross mom, please don’t ever tell anybody." Dixie says, “well Sheena I washed my hands!“ We cracked up all over again.

7:00pm I am on the phone again.

A-1: A-1 locksmith, can I help you?

Me: I am STILL sitting here with Dixie Smith, the second locksmith was due about 6:45 to make a key for her car.

A-1: I only have one man with the machine that can do that. He is held up on another job, but should be there in 30 to 45 minutes. (I think I have heard this before, somewhere, HMMM, let me think about it...OH YEA!!!!)

Me: OK, we're still here.

A-1: OK, bye.

Dixie remembers the flashing lights, now obviously blazing the dark field that lies ahead of us. She gets back in her car and hits the hazard lights and viola, the lights stop flashing.

8:00 pm my dear son calls “Mom, dinner's cold, what do you want me to do with it?” That's one pretty loaded question at that very moment in my life! "Josh, honey, just leave it on the stove I will take care of it when I get home. BYE!"

8:10pm

A-1: A-1 locksmith, may I help you?

Me: Do you have an ETA on the man with the machine that can make this key for Dixie Smith?

A-1: Yes ma’am he was dispatched at 7:55, he should be there in about 20 minutes.

Me: CLICK!!!

8:20pm HE'S HERE!

A-1: This the car?

Dixie: Yes

A-1: ok, let me look at the ignition... Mr. A-1 (Tony) now goes to his van and pulls out “The Book”...oops...

Dixie: What oops?

Tony: I don’t have a blank for this year.

Dixie: What do you mean you don’t have a blank for this year?

Tony: I mean I am out of them. I can’t get one from the dealership until in the morning.

Dixie: And they couldn’t have told us this 2 hours ago?

Tony: I am the only one with “The Book.”

Me: Great...So let ME get this straight...You can’t make a key for her car tonight, so she has to lock it back up, so you will have to unlock it all over again tomorrow.

Tony: Yea, but it won’t be me, I am off for Thanksgiving as soon as I am done here.

Me: Someone else is going to get the key blank from the dealership, come back over here tomorrow, re-open the car, make the key. How much money are we talking now?

Tony: Oh, we won’t charge to unlock it again it's still the $165.00

Me: Dixie, write down this man’s name! Tony, should you maybe take Dixie’s phone number and make sure that this is all taken care of tomorrow.

Tony: Oh, yes ma’am...

Dixie proceeds to her car to lock it back up for the evening, which trips the alarm and lights again. Tony proceeds to his van to get tools to disconnect the battery. I go back inside of the restaurant to beg them not to tow her car tonight, that she will be meeting the locksmith again first thing in the morning to get the car off their lot.

Then rather factually state:

"I am going back to my car now." When ya’ll are finished exchanging numbers, I will have the car warmed up and ready to go."

8:40 I walk in my front door, put foil over the left over dinner, put it in the fridge, grab a beer, and sit down right here at this computer.

That is the very moment that I decided I needed to start my series of short stories!

My son didn’t have much to say for a while, he was pretty convinced it was time for him to watch some TV.

The last four entries were added after the completion of The DWC...therefore, they are out of wack. They happened prior to me starting the challenge. Sorry for any confusion.