Learning to love

Being friends is beautiful and painful

I can relate, to the countless hours, days and years of thought; the way you seem be hard wired to my existence, despite my efforts to give up or our seasons of change. Thank you for telling me all that you said last night about not knowing why you could not fall in love with me. There are so many things in this life that we are powerless over and this is one of them, it always has been (both the Yin and the Yang sides of it) You are right about everything you said here. I can kick and scream along the path, or I can chose to walk uphill peacefully. Either way, it seems we always re-collide. I know you have seen the breaking point with me a few times, regardless we are still hardwired to a friendship that seems to have started in another life. I have found peace with the fact that I don’t know the outcome and I have dreamt of every possibility in between. But I simply needed to know, that I was not alone in this; that I didn’t imagine how beautiful, even the ugly has been all along. That is all. I have the rest of my life to be a spectator in your life and you in mine. I have never been in any hurry to push fate. But without ever really knowing what was in your head or in your heart, for sure, I had no idea if I could have done something differently. I too have gone in circles about what went wrong, if it was wrong, if it or we could have done anything differently. Then one day, I realized that despite my efforts to open up, I had a ton of un-definable regrets that turned into blaming myself. I would never miss a day of swollen eyes and broken dreams for one second of what we have experienced together and apart, because of the other. You mean the world to me, no matter the season. Not even my obsession with words can tell you what it means to love you in so many different ways. I have experienced so many levels of letting you go and each time it seems to do nothing more than bring you closer. Thank you for standing next to me when I take things, not so gracefully.

Creativity is the willingness to express emotion and the ability to explore it without perfection.