Seriously?!

OMIGOD

Yeah, so... CutiePieInstructor has a goddamn GIRLFRIEND!!! Ooooooohh yeah! That's right! A GIRLFRIEND! You heard me! They've been dating for a couple of months and she has never once even come up in conversation.

It was someone's (Jill's) bright idea to take our rowdy, post-karate, sweaty, stinky, dirty-footed group out to Chili's for our Thursday night drinkfest. First of all, are you kidding me? Who goes to a restaurant for that shit? You go to a bar, that way at least you're not ruining the dinners of countless, innocent Chili's patrons with your 150 decibel discussion of vaginas or what kind of drugs you did at the last Burning Man Festival.

Anyway, CPI's roommate shows up and they do introductions all around. We order drinks and food and are carrying on like we normally do, THEN this girl wanders over and sits down at the table and at first I think she's maybe crazy or something until CPI introduces her as "my girlfriend Kim". Seriously?! What?! Tiffany nearly goes face down in her bloomin' onion from the shock. I'm just a lifeboat in flat seas with all the occupants dead from exposure.

The rest of the night was kind of a blur. Tiffany immediately takes an instant dislike to Mygirlfriendkim (who will now be referred to as MGK), pointing out all her flaws including the fact that she has a lumpy ass. Mean, yes, but it made me laugh.

Finally, after an eternity of pointedly ignoring their end of the table, I decide I need to have another drink elsewhere before going home. Tiff's in, and Sarah says she wants to go. We get up to leave and CPI asks us where we're going. We tell him that we're going to the Attic for one more round. He starts to say that he wants to go, too, then MGK grips his arm in her devil talons and says in a voice that sounds like steam released from the pits of hell,

"We're going home. I am tired."

They don't live together. Thank you, Jesus.

Later, when the three of us are at the Attic, Sarah remembers that CPI left all his gear in her car. Unfortunately, he will need this gear first thing in the morning. She steps outside to call him. When she comes back she tells T and I that she think she caught him mid-fuck because of the short, terse answers she was getting and the fact he practically hung up on her.

I think I would have preferred a red-hot poker in my eye rather than have heard that particular statement. He's not MY BOYFRIEND, but I feel like he's cheating on me. It was, by far, the least fun I've had on these Thursday night forays.

Dear God. I'm psycho! I haven't been this weird about a boy since jr.high! And I don't like it!