There must be a light under the bushel!

The mainstream idea of marriage

When I got divorced, I didn't change back to my maiden name. I didn't want everyone to make a big deal out of it at work. Not to say it wasn't a big deal to me; it was just a private experience for me, and I can't stand the idea that people would feel sorry for me. I have to say that I now regret not changing my name back. I honestly just assumed, at the time, that I'd get married again and then I'd have a happy reason for a name change.

Well, it's been four years now. I dated a quite bit for the first year, but I rarely went on second dates. I quickly realized that I hated dating. I like meeting new people. I don't like interviewing or being interviewed by people who may or may not fit into my life. I like the people already there, and when I meet someone new whom bond with, that's great; I've always got room for more friends to love. But, I don't like trying to force or manuever that fit.

My parents don't think I'm open-minded enough to the idea of marriage. I can't help that. I'm a pretty good judge of character, so I can tell fairly quickly whether I click with a person or not. Just to test myself, I went on my marathon dating after my divorce to test my radar. After some miserable evenings, I quickly gave in. My first impressions don't change over time, and I found myself guiltily defending why I didn't want to continue seeing someone. I felt awful hurting people's feelings, and I realized that the typical dating scene wasn't going to work for me.

Now, my friends are getting worried, too. I've had what they consider to be sly set-ups. Nope, don't like that either. Invite people over for a good time; we can have a lot of fun, but don't try to orchestrate a match! If it happens that I click with someone, great, but I don't want to be in uncomfortable situations all the time.

I've realized that most people, particularly married people, think that the only life to live is a married one, and I don't understand it. Very few couples can stir an ounce of envy in my soul. I see both married life and single life for what they truly are. The grass is not always greener on the other side. There are dried-up brown patches everywhere, and you can find your own spots of green if you just look for them.

I stopped believing in the idea of soulmates (somewhere in the middle of my marriage). I used to think there was truly a person who was a perfect fit for everyone. Yeah, I used to be a young, naive romantic. Then, I started thinking people just got married out of a desperate need to connect with another person.

Well, some of that cynicism has since faded. I now find myself comfortably thinking that there really are soulmates in life, not the same romantic version from my younger dreams, but the kind that make your soul feel happy just to share space with a person you enjoy. I don't think that only one exists in the world for every person, but for me, I know those people are few and far between. At least I now have the peace of mind to know that I won't settle unless that click slips happily into place. No matter what society thinks about my stubborn refusal to adapt to the mainstream idea of marriage, I think I'll stick to my guns on this one.