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| About This Newsletter "That loss is common would not make My own less bitter, rather more: Too common! Never morning wore To evening, but some heart did break." ~ Lord Alfred Tennyson Letter From The Editor Loss and Love Everyone has different emotions when it comes to losing a loved one. The sense of loss varies depending on the cause of the loss. When a relationship ends in a break-up, separation, or divorce there can be a whirlwind of feelings. If it ended bitter then the person could be feeling anger, hurt, pain, hatred, resentment, or a thousand other things. But if it ended on common ground it could be entirely just the opposite. The person may feel lonely, sad, or possibly even lost. Whether a relationship ends in a amicable way or in a horrible way, starting life over again can still be incredibly difficult. If a loved one passes away, it can feel like we are incomplete because there are pieces of us missing. When someone dies our love for them doesn't die with them, it is still very much apart of us. Learning to deal with the fact that they are not in our reach anymore can be a devastating realization, but in order to cope we must understand that we did not loose their love. Last month I created a survey to ask readers' opinions on loss and love. Read some of the answers below, after the featured items. Editor Picks
Asks and Answers  Survey Section 1. Please briefly introduce yourself and explain some of your views on love, loss, and starting over. Angela's Niece needs Praye  : I only have ever been truly in love once in my life. Once was enough to tell me that for my case it was better to just stay single, or get tough with love and stay with who I wanted to be with... In truth I believe in the power of love to get you through anything. ani-elf-friend:My opinion on love... Love is the greatest thing that can happen. With out love, the world would be colder, and more harsh than it already is... My opinion on loss... Loss is horrible. It is like a part of your soul is missing. When you lose someone, it seems like there is nothing else left. Incurable Romantic : The wrong kind of relationship, dominating, controlling, and so on, especially one that is physically and/or emotionally abusive can cause serious emotional if not physical problems for the partner on the receiving end, making it extremely difficult for that person to allow themselves to risk another relationship later on. We hear about many such relationships these days and it’s a shame. But the right kind of love can most definitely have the totally opposite effect. The relationship shared by my late wife and high school sweetheart Linda and I is proof of that. I watched her grow from a shy, introverted girl of 16 when we met my senior year in high school to a wonderfully outgoing woman with a zest for life, a sense of humor to match, and a sincere desire to help others. The loss of a loved one can be totally devastating. It certainly was to me when Linda died on March 3, 1980. It takes a lot of patience and understanding by others for the surviving partner to have the chance to mourn, and recover, in their own way. It can be a challenge to family and friends to give the surviving partner that space. But it should be given to them wherever possible. 2. Do you have any advice to offer to those that have experienced the loss of a loved one? Angela's Niece needs Praye : If you have lost a loved one due to death, I say it's not easy, but you will heal in time. If it is due to meddling people I say don't give up your one true love. Don't give in like I did, fight for your partner. Do not ever let others tell you how to live your life. ani-elf-friend: Hold on! Don't, oh please, do not let go! Death isn't the way out. I know I have considered suicide when my loved ones were lost. Listen to music. New Age is uplifting, Josh Groban and Enya. John~Ashen  : Don't run from the moments when memories of a lost loved one threaten to overwhelm you. Putting on a brave face, soldiering up, getting through it -- those are all terms outsiders use. The poignant times will come back to you inevitably, so have a good cry. Enjoy it -- it's a sign that you celebrate and honor the impact that person had on you. To do otherwise is to say your heart is made of stone and you weren't really in love. Incurable Romantic : It’s OK to cry. All you want. Even for the guys. It’s much better to let it all out when you feel it coming than to bottle it up. Don’t let well-meaning friends or family members rush you into doing ANYTHING before you’re ready, and I’m not just talking about another relationship, though that is part of it. I mean anything. They mean well, but they don’t know you as well as you know yourself. You deserve time to grieve, heal, and recover in your own way as much as possible. 3. In your opinion, what are some things writers should avoid when their characters are experiencing the loss of love? Angela's Niece needs Praye : Well if I were the writer, I would write from my own personal experiences like I do now, but if you try to protect peoples names. Use different names, it saves on a law suits. John~Ashen : Try to avoid the "walls go up" cliche. If you have to say it, you're just saying it. You need to show it, through disconsolate or sneering responses when other people try to get your character back into the swing of things. Incurable Romantic : I would say writers should avoid many of the age-old clichés that are associated with the loss of love situation. Those that have been used in romantic stories “since the dawn of time”. Try to find new ways to say or show the same thoughts and feelings before resorting to the “old lines”. That’s not to say a writer can’t use ANY of them, but don’t let the clichés dominate the conversation or setting. One possible example of old vs. new: Over the years we often heard things like, “Alex was the most wonderful husband a woman could ever ask for.” Every woman who truly loved her husband feels that way, but the same depth of feeling can be conveyed with a version that even has a more personal touch yet doesn’t use that line: “To me, Alex was the best. He was all I needed in my life for me to be happy.” Notice that this also avoids the line, “He was everything I ever wanted.” Challenge yourself as a writer. Look for new ways to express the depth of love in this situation. Your readers will love the fact that your story doesn’t sound so much like all the others they’ve read for years. They’ll feel the emotion without the repetition of the well-used passages. 4. If you have lost or broken up with your significant other, how do you know when you're ready to try again? How can you tell when your feelings are genuine and not just prompted by being on the rebound? Angela's Niece needs Praye : I don't think anyone can tell if they are on the rebound. They basically just have to try and work at their relationships and not let others tell you how to live. Incurable Romantic : The answers are often different for each person. I would say that one of the signs that you’re ready to try again when instead of feeling the loss of the past relationship you find yourself consistently - that’s the key word -consistently feeling as if your life is incomplete without someone special to share it with. The second question is more difficult. My first thought is that you know the feelings are genuine if you have shared enough of yourselves with each other that you have found that you have far more things in common than you have differences, that you feel those differences that you two do have are minor in comparison to the things you have in common, AND that your feelings for that person are even stronger in spite of those differences. Anonymous: I think there are two stages of rebound. The unhealthy first stage is when you're still hurting from a breakup, and you're willing to jump into any relationship just to stop the pain. The second, more healthy, stage is when you're no longer depressed and get inspired by people flirting with you. At this you're ready to rebound from your lost relationship, instead of being a victim of Bad Decision rebound syndrome. 5. Do you have or know of any writing examples which touch base on love, loss, and starting over?
Feedback Charmin : Lexi, What a great news letter this week, and I hope it was able to help out many community members. I also wanted to thank you for donating my survey answers to share with everyone. I have received a few responses to it in my e-mail, and asking for help and advice. Way cool!! OK, enough of my babble. It was a pleasure and an honor to be among one of your projects in the news letter.  Best wishes, Terrie aka:Charmin Thank you, Terrie! It was my pleasure to include your answers in that issue. I appreciate you taking the time to share your views and thoughts.~ Lexi Incurable Romantic : Lexi, this issue is terrific. As I knew it would be. And your two contributors had many wonderful suggestions, both for real life and writing. Wonderful work as always! - I.R. Jim, thank you for all your encouraging comments.~ Lexi Laart1-Season of the Heart : Lexi: Can't wait to get started on all this weeks picks. Good interview with good advice. I am looking forward to next weeks topic. I was widowed at thirty one and remarried at forty one. I have been happily remarried now for almost ten years. So, I will enjoy next weeks topics as well. Thanks, Lin Lin, Thank you for letting others that there is still hope for love, even if was lost once before.~ Lexi redmass: I just want to say that I am really, really glad I subscribed to this newsletter. It is always excellent. Great style, easy to read and always touches me. This was an especially wonderful issue, as growing old in love is a great concern for me these days. I guess I am wondering what took me so long to find it. Thanks Lexi for inspiring me. It pleases me that that my last issue inspired you. Don't worry about how long it took you to find love, just be content that you did Thank you. ~LexiUntil Next Time, ~Lexi    |
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