Just Jul Lee

All Right, Then. . .

All Right, Then. . .
DATE: May 27, 2004

Well, I was thinking. I thought last night, I wonder if I truly am meant to marry. I thought that maybe if I told God to go ahead and find me a husband if my life would change rapidly. I thought that maybe everything wasn't like I truly believed and that I was just lying and destroying my own happiness. And then I thought, yeah right.

If God does intend to marry me off, sorry for stating it like a curse, He has to be picky, like me. I thought last night, God, if you're going to marry me off then I'm going to have to love the guy.

God was very calm as He replied, That much is a given.

So I continued down the strange path and thought, Well, it would definately change my future plans but I guess that would be okay.

He asked, So are you saying that you want me to bring him to you?

The moment of truth had arrived. I paused and said, "No."

And so, the conversation of marriage once again ended with me refusing to give in. Big surprise.

I wondered if God truly has someone and is just waiting until I say yes, which at this rate may be never. Then I wondered if I could truly love one man for the rest of my life. Could I?

Now, as I sit at work I think again of my fear of saying "sure" to God whenever He brings up the question of marriage and love. I know, deep down, that if I say yes, my life will flip over and everything would change...for the better?

Ahem.

So, I decided today to write this. I knew, when the conversation began, that I was ready to say, "Okay, God, do whatever you want. I'm willing to marry and give up my freedom, I'm willing to belong to someone else." But by the end of the conversation, which was longer and more involved than what I wrote, I replied with my same old answer.

"No."

And I think that it will remain so.

I want to marry a man who reads as much as me, likes animals, likes to laugh, isn't a jerk...I thought of that today. Then I recalled my conversation with God last night and decided to write this entry.

There you have it...

Oh, and the title doesn't mean anything really, again. It just seemed like a cool way to label this entry.

Happy writing.

Jul Lee