Sarah's Life

"Do you ever wonder where..."

"...Seems like yesterday, we were making plans for the future..."
"Do you remember, I still remember so much"
"Now I don't even recognize, The girl I swore that someday"
- Stabbing Westward, "I Remember"

I had a very funny realization today. If I had stayed with Jackson, if I hadn't cheated on him, if I hadn't fallen in love with Jeremy... I would be married right now. August 8th, 2004 was the date Jackson and I had set as our wedding date. And I sit here wondering now, if he is sitting somewhere in Texas thinking the same thing. It's an interesting thought.

I'm even more tempted tonight to email him. To try to express just one last time all that I wish to say, and havn't. If there is a time to do so, now would be the best, I feel. Yet I'm probably just going to wus out like the chickenshit I am and once more just try to forget that any of it ever happened. I'm still undecided. It hasn't helped that everyone I've brought this up with has thought that I'm lightly referencing it. It's like I'm not supposed to be freaked out that in an alternate dimension I'd be married right now, instead of dealing with the chaos of getting a job and preparing for school.

All in all, not very good thoughts to have to sleep on tonight. Perhaps I should just email him and get it over with and then I can try to curl it away in my mind and forget. Of course, I've tried to curl it away in my mind for over a year now and it still nags at me. Still drops things like this in my lap and laughs evily and waits to see how I react.

Well, if I do decide to email him, I'll let the 2 or 3 people who actually read this thing know by posting as such. G'night.
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