My True Soul

Forbode away!

Have you ever had this forboding feeling? One that makes you sick to your stomach? Yeah, that's how I feel right now. Or it could be the fact it's almost 80 degrees cause I have no air conditioning. I just feel like hell basically. I have my rhymes and reasons. Ones which I don't feel like going into.

I sorta think it's about the time that I just kept to myself for a while and vanished out of most everyone's life. (Sorry, there's just a couple of you... and you're gonna have to get a restraining order to keep me from vanishing- i.e. Shorty.) I've been feeling this way for the last week. Some sort of depression funk perhaps, although I don't think so. Perhaps nerves. Perhaps it's just that time of the year again.

I had a dream about Kat this morning. She was playing a knightress in shining armor. Sorry Shorty, lol. But she saved you too in this dream. I was escaping from a mental institution where the building was keeping me hostage basically and this doctor kept donig experiments on me involving shock therapy - ECT - the last time he was going to kill me. But as I was running out of this place, I caught Kat in this hug... the same big huge bear like hug that she gives whenever she hasn't seen me in a while... and then I had the realization that it'll be 2006 before I get another hug like that even if she and I are talking still. I miss her some. I miss her hugs. I really miss them and it'll be that long before I get another one. I don't know, just some people, they hug you and it's all that matters n it makes you feel so much better... she's one of those people for me. Friggin' something is wrong with me, wanted to cry earlier, started crying just then, damnit.

I'll be fine. Always am, right? Right.

Rach, I got your e-mail. I started a reply, but I honestly don't feel like finishing it right at this moment. I'll do that in the next few days tho. I'm not sure... I may end up in a hotel room for a few nights due to the heat and such... I won't be able to stay here without air conditioning. So, yeah, I'll get that done soon.

To the other hooligens who read this... stay cool and I'm out.