Life as we know it sucks

Grow some balls

Current Mood: sort of depressed

Current Music: none, just watching Miss Congeniality

Wednesday 10-13

So, I don't have school tomorrow. Isn't that awesome? Yes, I know. But it's stupid that they're giving us a Thursday off and not a Friday. I mean, who the fuck makes up the calendar anyway? *rolls eyes*

Joseph and I talked a lot today. I've found him to be such a good friend. It's rather nice. I like having someone to talk to who doesn't judge me or try to make me feel guilty.

I talked to Danny about my situation with Christopher and Shane also. He suggested that maybe I take a break from Shane and maybe see other people (ie: Christopher), thus to ensure I'm still fond of him. I'd like to do that just to see if there is anything there with Christopher. Any chemistry at all. And I'm pretty sure there would be. *sigh* But I know that would devastate Shane.

So, Christopher and I flirted madly in Creative Writing class. This one guy who sometimes talks said, "I'd laugh if my prediction came true that you all would go out." Haha. I'd laugh if I ever had the nerve to take a chance on something. I just have lost all will to do risky things. *sigh* I'm, like, too levelheaded, if there is such a thing. Like I don't even have the fucking guts to skip anymore. And now I don't have the balls to follow my heart which clearly tells me to go with the flow in Christopher's general direction. "Be a little daring! Do something risky for once!" I just feel like the monotony (?) of my relationship with Shane is hindering all my other sudden acts of impulse. I'm not even making sense.

After school, Christopher, Joseph and I hung out. Joseph met up with his girlfriend and left Christopher and I alone . . . It panics me to be even that alone with him even though we're in a very public place. As soon as we walked outside, I felt this whole "everybody's-staring-at-me" feeling. I felt like they all knew somehow what was going on with Shane and I. *sigh*

We hung out for about an hour and a half. It was great. Christopher even cleaned out his front seat so I could sit with him in his car. Joseph got in and we talked and laughed and it was so interesting. Then....Joseph decided to leave and I felt so helpless. When I look at Christopher, I am completely engulfed in his eyes. He is so . . . mesmerizing. I've never met someone with such intense eyes before.

I asked Joseph later that night about who he thought I was leaning towards. And we both have the same idea . . . . . . Christopher.

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To everyone out there who's a little different, I say damn a magazine, these are God's fingerprints.